Meeting with friends that I haven't seen for a long time always gives me much food for thought. But gawd, do I hate thinking. -
For me, I want to do something different, learn something new for every stage of my life. I wasn't a brilliant student in primary school. I got by. In secondary school, I was plagued by a whole lot of insecurities (And I guess I still am.). That made me turn to studies for comfort and that was also when my grades really shot up. I spent every waking and non-waking hour (I literally dreamt of Math formulae. Haha.) on my studies. I shunned school activites because... Well, I could use the time to do some extra studying! Duh. And when I went on to junior college, I wanted to change that. I took part in camps, joined soccer, played in the A Divisions, knew most of the Science people... I practically morphed into a extrovert overnight. And just because I am not meant to be that perfect girl leading the unblemished life that everyone wants, I fell. Hard. And boy, did it hurt like mad.
I decided to drown depression with work. For the first time in my life, I got myself a proper job at Starbucks (I started working at the age of 13. But it was always under Aunt.). I got acquainted with work politics, big, mean people and chores. For someone who always had someone trailing behind her to pick up her pieces, washing tha plates and cups of others was... Well, humbling? I slipped just once, but I am proud to say that I could separate work and personal issues, easy peasy. People always regard me as meek, but if a job requires me to talk to strangers or bellow, I am perfectly comfortable with that. I learnt to be handy. I learnt to be fast. I learnt to 'just do it'. No one wants a slow and hesistant worker.
My third year of junior college was a year of discipline. I rushed home every day after school. I did my homework after lunch and evenings were spent in the park, running. Nights were reserved for revision. Of course, towards the end, my schedule was greatly modified. But it was a time when I could make myself sit down and study. Alone. Without my SMS beeping away. Without my thoughts far away. Without tears threatening to make their appearance. I needed that a lot after my 2nd year.
Came the period after the big As. I told myself that I wanted to work myself to death. I wanted the feeling of it so that I wouldn't treat my education lightly. And I got it. At one stage, I was juggling 3 jobs at one time. It was perfect. I love the fact that I had something on every minute but of course, the sloth in me decided to stick to my favourite job. A certain boy may have played quite a large part in that decision making but well, I did learn a lot about work ethics. Also, it's good to know that there ARE boys my age who are responsible beings.
University happened in my life after that. Year 1 Semester 1, I was determined to be full-blown nerd. But it took its toll on me. I burned out right before the finals. *curses* Semester 2, I decided to take it a little easy. But I studied the wrong way and well, I suppose I took it a little TOO easy. Pure Mathematics modules were too difficult for me so I gave up and studied to just do well for a particular test. When the finals came, I found myself in deep shit, especially for one particular module.
Year 2's beckoning. My grand summer plan didn't materialize. I'm left with exactly 24 days to salvage it.
I think it's time to get ambitious.
Labels: friends, ramblings
