je ne sais pas.

Salut. Je m'appelle Charlene. Mon prenom est Lee. J'ai vingt ans. Je suis étudiante de l'Université de Technologie de Nanyang. J'etudie les mathématiques (à NTU). Je voudrais être professeur. Je parle anglais. Je parle aussi un peu japonais. Je comprend le mandarin. J'adore la danse et la jogging. J'aime un peu la natation. J'aime apprendre le français mais c'est difficile. ): Je n'aime pas du tout le travail le dimanche. Je écoute souvent la radio. Je n'a pas d'enfants mais j'ai un soeur et un frère. Elle est dix-huit ans et il est quinze ans. Ils sont étudiants.

J'habite dans une belle appartement. Il y a un joli balcon dans mon appartement mais il n'y a pas de jardin et piscine. Je n'a pas de voiture japonaise. Je n'a pas de dictionaire français. Je n'a pas la patience.
-

HELP!

i shout for you! (:

Si I can dire "NON!"' to bubble tea, I can dire 'NON!" to anything else that je voudrais.
-

WILLPOWER!
でも I can't say no to blogging. Haha.
-

HAPPY SCARY HALLOWEEN!!!
-

Et check out Taylor Swift's 'Jump Then Fall' et 'The Other Side of the Door'!
-

Friendship needs two hands to clap.
But you never even so much as make a twitch.
So i'm stopping.
-

Yeah, je suis bien yo! (:

haitus.

ZITING// Why in the world do you want to have a reason to be sad about?!? Aren't you the emo kid?!? And it's not like I'm a social butterfly in school. I am very selfish with my own timing, so for me, it's much better to be on my own. I have so many activities that I want to do, but not many want to do them with me and I don't want to do what others do. Yes, I do feel lonely at times. But this is the trade-off, I guess, for being selfish.
-

Anyway, bye facebook. And the blog. Be back on December 1st.

take that.

Today was one of the crappiest day of my uni life and it has only been 3 months into a 4-year journey. It isn't fair that I have been trying so hard at my subjects and then, I get brushed off rudely by a professeur for asking a silly question. Why am I paying 7000 bucks to get shit professeurs? And why are they professeurs when they don't care about students, rip lecture slides/ notes from publishers/ notes? If they know so much about their field, why can't they explain in a langue that SINGAPOREAN students actually comprehend? What's the point of having such extensive knowledge when you can't even pass on that knowledge to others, in other words T-E-A-C-H?!? Shouldn't professeurs undergo some school to ensure that they can actually teach too and not just a bunch of unkempt, stuck-up elite people who live in darkness and think they rule the world?
-

I have never been so discouraged in my life before. If I had been born with a silver spoon, I dropped out RIGHT THIS MOMENT.

But I hate giving up. I hate admitting defeat. I'm gonna work hard at it, make decent grades and then, shove them bloody papers up your saggy ass.

Vanilla Twilight.

Gawd. I feel like I can finally take a breather. NOT. Anyway, after the Economics quiz, it was a huge burden off my chest. YES, Economics to me, is like what Science is to some people (like my sister). I hate taking tests for it, yet at the same time, I grudgingly enjoy studying for it. And nowadays, I find myself literally calculating the opportunity costs in almost everything that I do. But that doesn't mean that I make the rational choice. HAHA. (Half the time, I'm making the irrational one. Like now. I'm supposed to be mugging my brains out, having skipped 2 lectures on Friday because the marginal benefit of sleeping outweighed the marginal cost of those 2 lectures at the moment that I decided to bunk off school. And really, like Foundation of Math lectures are any good. The professeur has his entire lecture in one sentence, i.e. there are NO punctuations in his sentences so it's like he's saying "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." over and over again. Sigh, okay. If you listen really hard and pay rapt attention you will follow. But whose brains work on Friday afternoons?!? Shut up if yours does. Freak of nature. Haha.)
-

Anyway, I was in dire need of shopping and I know EP is not much of a mall but the shopaholic freak in me managed to buy something. Or somethingsss!!! I got sweets for Dad and Mum, whitening toothpaste for sis and I and a brand new Adidas bag and hot pink Adidas bottle for myself!!! I have been wanting a bag for ages. I'm so tired of people asking me if I'm a fan of Liverpool. I wasn't. I am not. And I doubt I will ever be. All I obsessED (Note: ED!!!) was Torres, who was sooo uber hot but not anymore. And the bag was big enough for me to chuck random things in it. And no, I don't watch soccer anymore. I don't like watching people playing. I'd much rather be the one doing the playing. Gawd. I miss playing soccer, especially in the rain. I miss the grass, the mud, the smelly boots, the adrendaline, the sweat, the thrill, the competition... Sigh. NO TIME FOR NOSTALGIA.
-

Moving on, I'm denouncing my bed. It's EVIL, I tell you. I was supposed to wake up at 12 last night to mug finish my Economics but I couldn't. I even switched off the alarm on my mobile without being conscious of it. Okay... Maybe my mobile's funny. Whatever. I'm denouncing it. Bye bed. I will miss you, but for now, imma gonna pluck up my courage and sleep on the couch in the living room. It's so freaky that at least I know I will wake up when need up. And absolutely NO MORE lying on beds to read papers. The way I have been sleeping... It's like I haven't slept in a hundred years. Ah see see? Whoever said that university is a breeze?!? I slept fewer hours during the As but I wasn't as knackered as I am now?!?
-

Anyway, before I jet off...

ELIZABETH// Whenever I see Megan Fox, I think of you. (Because of what your bro said and what you submitted for the school's magazine.) You're the Singapore Megan Fox.

ZI-TING// Thank YOU for eating with me! I miss having you over. Sorry I fell asleep and left you to your own devices. And whose writing do you love?!? Oh! Check out Owl City's 'Fireflies' and 'Vanilla Twilight'!!! (: I first heard 'Fireflies' on Perfect 10. Some guy dedicated this song to all the grasshoppers down his block. HAHA.

'Sometimes, people tend to choose to remember only the good memories and the bad ones are almost always chucked aside and hidden away.'

-Nurul, (500) Days of Summer Review

-

How true and how inane.

press on.

i got back my results for my FOM's mid-term.
i could have done way better.
-

stop being whoever you are now.
and be who you were before.

if i had the time to spare (and the vocabulary), i would spend a good 5 hours swearing my head off.
-

the stupid girl that i am.

RAWR!

I cannot wait pour the semester to E-N-D!!! (Exactly how many times have I mentioned this?!?) I swear, si I take an Economics module in the next trois années, I will deserve it should I die midway studying pour it. Ugh. (Okay, I will probably be dying 3 years after, mais that far-far-far future will take care of itself. ) I still have got 10 chapter to read!!! Je suis très fatigué. I wish I were doing doing a major in the French ou Japanese langue ou something close to that man!!!
-

Japanese classe on Dimanche was fantastic. Sato sensei est très belle!!! Et elle est such a bien teacher!!! Unlike mine... (Je suis désolé! Mais vous n'êtes pas bien... ): ) But ah, I don't want my Dimanche to be wasted away. Le soleil est dead scorching et after ma (Elementary Un) classe, all I wanna do is hit the sack et hit it hard!
-

The only reason as to why this entry has excessive exclamation marks is because I'm dead knackered et there's so much work left undone. I'm okay for some subjects et then pour the rest, I'm way behind. ):

-

Time to deal with Economics. I'm already 15 mins late. BLAHHH!

no one else.

Je suis très mal. j'adore taxi rides home when it's late at night. je suis cloaked in darkness et le uncle couldn't care less about the tears falling. This week has been a huge mess. i barely studied. i stoned, slept and stoned some more. What's wrong with me? Why do i need to log onto Twitter daily? Why do i care about strangers' lives? Why am i getting distracted by all this crap?
-

The moment i lose God is the moment i lose myself. i don't need ___ to feel happy et motivated about life. ___ can't care less but He does. Et He's the only one who will bother Himself avec the nitty-gritty details of my life, the one who will tend to my emotional needs, the one who knows what i want and what i need, the one et only will be with me 24/7.

He doesn't care if i'm the stupid sort of fille who trips over her own feet, who stumbles out of a car instead of being elegant et all that, who constantly experiences bad-hair days et fusses over rien, who has a mind so fickle that no one bothers to keep track, who feels inferior 3/4 of her life, who feels really scared deep down mais just try to bang down every hurdle in her life blindly, who thinks that the L-word exists only in fairytales, who wants to have her own fairytale mais is scared as well, who is timide like what Mr. B said, who adores rouge lips a lot (okay, digression), who wants to smile and say 'Hi.' to everyone (because that's the way the world should be) mais daren't (unless she's in her green apron) because SG is a major stuck-up place et si you smile to people, people think you have lost your marbles, who took so majorly looong to pluck up her courage just to wave to the boy in the radio booth because of that, who fails to judge herself... Et the list goes on forever.
-

i need my footing back. Et God's the only solution.

i'm still breathing.

HELLO! I'm home before the sun set!!! YAYAYA!!! Haha. I'm always sooo thrilled when I'm back home before the sky turns dark because most of my (insert descriptive language) classes are in the evening. Like ughhh, and double that and triple double that. Haha. Anyway, yours truly managed to achieve such a feat today (and for the 3 more Tuesdays to come) by SKIPPING CLASSES... NOT!!! Haha. I went for other classes instead. Initially, I just intended to crash a Calculus class (because my tutor, I apologise for being seriously blunt but it's a fact, sucks. One hour and he went through 3 friggin' questions. The tutor whose class I crashed completed 6!!!). But KC informed me that there was a Foundation of Math class in the next room after Calculus. And I was like "Why not?" because some of FT's solutions are a tad too strange to be used for exams (He doesn't mark our paper.).
-

And why is it that I always do not have normal train rides home? Sigh. Anyway, the other day I crashed onto a guy who was watching HK shows on his lappie. Oops. I nearly whammed his head with mine. OUCH.
-

My fringe sucks. I had it trimmed today. A few snips and tada!!! 6 bucks. A waste of money because my fringe is so hopeless. It still flopped and curled the wrong way. One of the girls' eyes were buldging when she saw the state of my fringe. I will just wear it back from now on. All the curls are coming back. DARN.
-

And now, on to my work. Crashed early last night. I have been one sleepy ass!
-

Btw, Katy Perry still rocks my friggin' iPod!

Undo me.

wednesday // Skipped French. Mr. B is funny and he doesn't make learning French a chore but he wasted my half-hour on Monday by making us sit through 10 Youtube videos on pronouncing French numbers. TWICE. The sentence "I have mid terms on Saturday, which require massive manipulation of numbers. And here I am, listening to YT videos on how to pronounce them(numbers). Irony, no?!?" kept swimming in my head. Okay, no. "Wasting time. Wasting time. Wasting time." was the 'song' playing.

saturday// Brain has momentarily stopped working, with the moment being a very long duration of time. I managed to cover Katakana (AGAIN! I keep forgetting!). And that's all.

chocolates// Collecting my 48 bucks worth of chocs tomorrw. YAY! And to be able to get them, I will be meeting Eli. So... DOUBLE YAY!

semester// I cannot stress how much I anticipate the end of this bloody semester. (Hello Dec 1st, come already!!!) SERIOUSLY. Next semester, I WILL and MUST have a better time table. And dude, NO MORE FRIGGIN' ECONOMICS. If I take one more class on that, I will just bid the world goodbye.

classes// I have skipped 3 classes since the start of the semester. Which is quite good, if you go by the fact of the number of late days and no-show days I had in junior college, Year 2. Haha. Made up for Programming by doing it at home and making up for French and Economics later on.

china// I have no idea why but I really am eager for the trip. It'll be my first time away from home alone. Maybe that's why.

sleep// And I'm off to bed. If my English sucked, it's because well, it has always sucked and now my vocab has been reduced to words like 'limits', 'functions', 'predicates', 'logical equivalence', 'as x approaches a' and whatnots. Disgusting.

post mid-terms// The feeling is almost orgasmic. Try sitting for 3 Math papers in a day. (Okay, so one's programming but you need to know Math too, to get the vectors, arrays... And right, I have lost you or you, me. Haha.)

buys// My 88 Warm Palette arrived on Wednesday! Cannot wait to play with it! WOOT!

I cried just now. The usual me would have cried much, much earlier and not just once but my body's so desperately yearning for sleep that tears can't flow.

Crying release stress.
-

And now that I'm so f-king stressed, I'm thinking of Isa, my first bar session with him and how terrified I was when I found out that he was the same age as me and not a gazillion years older and could induce so much fear in me.

I miss my ex-shift manager in an abang-sister sort of way.

i don't want to study.
my brain is on a boycott.
and so is my body.
-

it just wants to sleep.

the big 2-0 for my bestie!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST CHUA EE FANG!

There is so much love from me to you. Thanks for being the most fabulous friend that anyone can ever ask for. I love you, and so does my entire family! We have been friends since we were 13 and I'm so glad that we're still friends 7 years on! You were given to me by God and I can't thank Him enough for that. I hope being 20 will mean changes for you. Big or small, they don't matter. As long as they shape you to be someone strong, because you are capable of doing so much more. And of course, someone that God is proud of. (:

(You won't be reading this. But I want the whole world, whoever that reads my blog that is, to know the fabulous friend/ person/ sister you are!)

-

If bit of the above didn't make sense, it's because my vocab has been reduced to Mathematical terms and I still have one more lab manual to go before I can call it a day. My 88 warm palette will be mailed out today, so it will be arriving on Wed!

-

And lastly, thank you God that i have you in my life. Thank You for fixing my life. (:

-

P.S.: Hello Haziq!

Pitter-patter, raindrops. Falling from the sky.

Jersey and lacoste,
Boots and blue,
Football and skinnies,
Goals and thoughts.
K-Ci and JoJo are playing.
-

I neither like the wet nor the dark.

from aretha's pages.

According to Elizabeth Kubler Ross, when we are dying or have suffered a catastrophic lost , we move into the five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial, because lost is so unthinkable, we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain, we beg, we plead, we offer everything we have, we offer up our souls, in exchange for just one more day. When bargaining has failed, the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair , until finally we have to accept that we have done everything we can, we let go, we let go and move into acceptance.

-

Screams 'COOKIE CUTTER!' all over.

Try and understand what is given.

If it defies your logic, adopt the logic of others.