let's do it the old-school way.

I really hate it when people make it sound like I'm obliged to reply to their MSN conversations. Okay, I know it's a matter of being polite and all that jazz. But I talk to whoever that I want to talk to. And if I ain't in the mood to talk to you, you sure as hell do not piss me off by telling me that I didn't reply to your MSN conversations.
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Okay, I'm just a little mad at various things right now. Just a small (and sweet) digression (Completely necessary to be told because it leads to everything else.), on Tuesday, I met the TJ guy that I used to have a major crush on back when I was 15/ 16. It was like a secondary school girl having the world's biggest crush on the JC kor kor on Bus 24. I didn't see him again after well, I suppose, after he graduated from JC. I was surprised he noticed me because I didn't. I was too busy laughing with my siblings over 'Despicable Me' (Go watch, if you haven't!). But he kept looking over. So well, if anyone were to stare at me, you could bet that I would stare back too, attempting to zap the stare-r into thin air so that me, the stare-e, could continue to merge with the background. HAHA. Okay. That's utter nonsense. But after a while (Sorry!), I was like OH!!! And we smiled at each other just before he alighted. Sweetest summer ever! (:

But back to the story, after the incident, it made me think about the entries I wrote about him. There are only a few but one incident remains as crystal clear as it was when I was 15. I thought he had sat beside me and was getting jittery and all that. But lo and behold! It was some old man/ lady who took the seat beside me. And Dad witnessed the entire episode. He didn't know exactly what happened but he was definitely amused with the sudden change in my facial expression. Haha. I wrote that incident in an English assignment of mine and my teacher just kept smiling at me after that. Haha.

I searched for my old diaries. I did read those about him but I also ended up reading other entries too. It was really interesting to read the thoughts of 15-year-old me. Stuff that used to bother me then, don't bother me now. I really hated my skin back then (Plagued with major acne problems.), thought a lot about boys, marriage, love and kids, wanted desperately to live in New York and meet guys like Jack Harper (From 'Can You Keep a Secret?'. Gosh! I have been reading this book since 2004. Can you imagine how many times that is? No wonder the book's all yellow! I think I got it right after Samantha Eng did a skit on it. Haha. I remembered that only Madam Surayah got the 'G spot' bit.) and well, of course, studies. Studies were a huge part of my life, and they still are. But my aspirations and determination have been dampened. A lot. By certain decisions that I made, by laziness, by procrastination, by the fact that I want the easy way out, by the fact that I keep hoping that things will drop into my lap...

21's coming soon and thank God that I know now that things will NOT drop into my lap. I can't just work hard in one aspect and expect the rest to come easy to me. I need to work hard in ALL aspects. I'm almost afraid. I just want to lie in my bed and dream, really. But turning 21 HAS to mean SOMETHING. It HAS to CHANGE something. And if it means having to say more 'yes'es (To all things legal and lawful and righteous in God's eyes.) and less 'no's, then I say "Bring it on!".
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Let's see... Right now, I have got a good one month and 16 days to say as many 'no's as possible... Possibly enough 'no's to last me for the rest of my life, because once 21 arrives, 'no' isn't gonna be in my dictionary any more (Again, this only applies to all things legal and lawful and righteous in God's eyes.).
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And I really wanted to say that I miss the old-school way of journaling. But oh well.