a fat question mark?!?

samengtweets @charlenejudith And oh yes, what ARE you working as? You seem quite miserable at work! (I'm a loyal blog reader too :)

You know something? I'm really stumped as to why I am miserable at work. I know I AM but I couldn't reply Sam at all. I think it's because of 'Down with Love'. Or because today's my off day? Maybe it's because I have Aerobics tonight?

I don't know if I should laugh at my silliness or be worried about my emotional being.
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Oh well. Back to 'Down With Love'. HAHA.

all it takes is a little oomph and ah.

Seriously, I have no idea why Didi would think that I would say 'No.' to him. WHO THE HELL WOULD?!?

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But I am so crazy tired now. I'm hoping that I will have strength to go to the flea market tomorrow, but I doubt so.

And I am kind of breaking out from foundations and late nights. Ugh.

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I know I have been complaining a hell lot about work. But it was something that I prayed for and God gave it to me. For that, I am very, very, very grateful.

Thanks Dad in Heaven! (:

(Dad on Earth is in Paris now.)

it's all about Charlene.

It was only yesterday that I realized I am socially awkward. Oh wow. 9 years (I probably didn't comprehend the meaning of the term when I was below 13. Or even knew that it existed.) in oblivion. ATTA GIRL!

It hit me when some people were laughing so hard (at some incident that happened) and I was just staring blankly. And then, wohoo! Revelation. I realized that that actually happens ALL THE TIME. At night, Eli showed me a Youtube video which she laughed so hard at. Initially, I was picturing someone else saying whatever that was said in the video because I was thinking of him. So I smiled, chuckled a little. But after a while, I was like "What the hell.".
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I spent the time before I went off to lala land wondering about the stuff that I laughed at. I laugh/ feel like laughing

at my own jokes (Which no one else laughs at.).
in the examination hall when it's sooo crazy quiet.
when I watch Big Bang Theory.
when someone else is supremely close to me.
when I do my brother's face and I'm breathing into his face and he into mine (We both have toothpaste breath. Thank goodness.)
when I am in the lift with several people and it's sooo crazy quiet.

I don't laugh much.
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Okay. What a self-indulging entry. Bye.

sensibility sucks.

After work, I just want a nice warm bath and ice cream. Anything that irks me get hell. I'm sorry. Oh gawd. I don't even feel like apologizing when I am in the wrong because I'm just so tuckered out. So, Cheryl, if you happen to read this, and I hope you do because it will be really weird for me to apologize on Saturday (my off day) for this incident, I am sorry. I used to run everyday (SIGH.) and after that, I liked to sit around in my perspiration and use my computer. But Dad always made me bathe before you got back so that you could bathe right after. I thought you could do the same, especially when you have the entire day. Guess not. I will call home to let you and everyone else know that I'm going home the next time.

Dad chiding me for demanding usage of the toilet the moment I got home also pissed me off to no end.
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Oh gawd. I really need the bed but I want the computer. UGH.

I AM GOING TO SAVE LIKE A COW.

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I will not step into:

• Watsons
• Accessorize
• F21
• Topshop
• Zara
• River Island
• Miss Selfridge
• Dorothy Perkins
• Adidas

Okay.YAY to a fat bank account.

this isn't how i wanted to spend summer.

OH GAWD. 14 hours of my off day are gone. *cries* Work has never been THIS hard. Every day I come home and just plop myself onto some surface and sit and sit and sit till the cows come home. I don't want to be one of those annoying, pampered kids (I'm not 21 yet.) who complained endlessly about how work sucks but it really does!!! *screams* Starbucks, even at its worst, was NEVER like THIS.*cries again*
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Still, I WILL last because I am a tough chick. AHAHAHA. Heck no man. It's because I need the DAMN MOOLAH. *cries again again* I spent way too much. Dad actually gave me some extra spending money and I spent all of that too! It is possible that I spent close to a thousand since summer started. Oh gawd. I don't even want to think about it! I don't know what WAS (Yes, past tense. PAST.) wrong with me but I just bought any thing that caught my eye. Which was pretty much EVERYTHING. So much for the makeup ban. I just replaced makeup with a gazillion earrings and clothes. And I broke my ban during the Watsons' sale because, well, because it's a S-A-L-E! Oh wow, Charlene! WAY TO GO IN FINDING EXCUSES AND JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS!!! WHEE!!! LET'S THROW A PARTY!!! ONE THAT'S BIGGER THAN A 21ST B'DAY PARTY!!! YEAHHH!
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Time to psycho myself...

Working is good. Money grows. Money doesn't go out except during lunch time. Working leaves you no time and energy to shop. Working is VERY good. Working does WONDERS to your butt. Standing gives you perky butt. 9 hours of standing - THINK: Perky, hot butt.
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*cries*

There's Aerobics tonight. I'm looking forward to it but I have no idea how I'm gonna survive for the next 4 days.

a thousand feet under.

One of my colleagues speak like Isa. Sigh.
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I think fatigue is messing up my brain. Seriously. I mind my own business 80% of the time because I'm afraid I ask too many questions (There is SO MUCH that I don't know!) because someone made noise about that at my old workplace (Well, what was I supposed to do? If I hazard a guess and the guess were wrong, I get a scolding dude!).

When you try to make small talk with Asians, all their defenses go up. Lavender/ lilac colour hides dark pigmentation and eye bags. Cream eyeliners are more matte than gel ones. Gel ones are glossier. There actually exist some substance to peel the dead skin on the surface of the lips so that you get smooth-as-baby's-butt lips and another substance to seal the lipstick.
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Okay. Nights.

woes of the diligent.

I am so friggin' knackered. I have to leave by 11 but here I am, sitting in my chair, checking out sites that I missed yesterday (and possibly today). Ugh. My legs are aching like mad. 9 hours of standing is no joke, no joke at all. And I miss Starbucks N1. Kiat's the best boss anyone can possibly get. Seriously. ):
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Go work at Liat Towers everyone!

Oh gawd. I really, really, really hate boyfriends.

just a thought.

(Spoiler alert for those who haven't caught 'The Vampire Diaries' season finale!)



I caught the season finale of 'The Vampire Diaries' last Thursday. When Katherine chopped off Jonathan's fingers, I was shocked. Not shocked at the brutality of it, but shocked that I wasn't the least bit shocked by that particular scene at all. The same thing happened with 'Daybreakers'. Every gory scene, I swallowed with ease. 'True Blood' too, and this had nudity galore. Easy peasy for me to watch without squirming in my seat.

But this shouldn't be the case, should it?
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I'm scared... No, terrified of the person that I'm becoming but I'm far too hooked on the shows to give them up.

six feet under. NOT.

Frankly, the thought of hanging out with you is SUFFOCATING. You're crazy demanding for a FRIEND.
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Gawd.

Happy days ahead! *beams*

I thought about it for a while on the train. If I weren't completely, wholly, entirely in love with that person, I would never ever be with him. It can't be just a case of only liking that person.  I won't be satisfied with it. It has to be love (However lame and corny this sounds.).

And I do believe there is someone out there for everyone that makes a perfect fit for the latter's puzzle. There has to be. Otherwise, God won't be real.
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Been watching '90210'. Watched every single episode of Season 1. Come Season 2, it was just fast-forward mode man. Gawd. The drama. It never ends. I don't like Annie but man, no one cuts the girl ANY slack. One thing after another just crashes down own her. I hope the season finale will be good (Unlike 'The Vampire Diaries'. *rolls eyes* Ugh. How can they like Anna die?!? But the Katherine bit was way cool man. Nina Dobrev ain't just another pretty person. But of course, we aren't talking about Taiwanese shows here.), like Liam ending up with her. She's probably gonna get shit from Naomi but Liam seems good. Well, better than the rest anyway (Ethan. Seriously?!? *rolls eyes doubly hard* The whole Rhonda thing. What the heck?!?).

And oh! I must say that Erin Silver/ Jessica Stroup is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gorgeous!!! Like seriously!!! She's the prettiest girl. Ever. You can't get any prettier than that!!! And Liam/ Matt Lanter is sooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!! *gushes*

You know what? I think I'll go back and watch those episodes which I skipped of Season 2. Just because of Liam. Ha! But okay, honestly, the show makes me nauseated.
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Anyway, DORCAS K. is back!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy and relieved!!! It was utterly crazy hearing about the situation in Bangkok and knowing that one of my besties went there for a HOLIDAY. Okay, I don't even know where to begin. Seriously. BUT the main thing is that she is BACK and SAFE.

So next week's gonna be really fun! Mon's with Jules. We're gonna shop and catch 'The Runaways'. And then on Tue, it's Chinatown with Dorcas and Wed's another movie day with Dor! (: Yay!!!

And oh! Lizzie's coming back! Yay!!!
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I had laughter for dinner yesterday. (:

Okay, time to run!

not really an advocate for L but...

"Wait for the boy who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, and who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else, and when he smiles, you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world even when you’re in sweats and have no make-up on, but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him. And most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe,
because that’s where you belong."

http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com

Not a pretty sight, nuh uh.

I really, VERY BADLY, want to dye my hair black. The roots are showing (in the sunlight) and I hate it (even if it only shows under the sun)!!!

But I don't wish to spend on hair dye. And it's black, to boot. Lamest thing ever.
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I hope to God that I will never drink till I am completely inebriated (But going by the fact that the only alcohol that I touch is in ice-creams, tiramisus and chocolates, I think I'm pretty safe. Besides, I hate the whole red-eye, red-face, red-EVERYTHING look.)

the sun's coming up on the grey.

Ho ho ho. I actually like 90210. When it first came out, there was so much hype about it and I was into Gossip Girls. That and I have always liked highschool shows, which Dad thinks is weird for an almost-adult (I'm NOWHERE near 21 (yet). Thank you very much.). But then, I read that the show was junk so I missed it altogether. That and the fact that I don't think the cast is as good looking as that of GG. Okay, so I am superficial.But you have to agree with me that Shenae Grimes looks like a bag of bones. People always say that I'm skinny (Okay. No longer. When I was like younger. Not THAT much younger, take note.) but hoo boy, they haven't laid their eyes on her. Gawd.

Okay whatever. I can say all I want but she's up there and I'm down here. *GLOOM*
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OH! Tomorrow, I get to attend Majolica Majorca's Chapter 26 Workshop! I'm so psyched!!! Even though I have read through their Chapter 26 brochure only a gazillion times (I like to pick up stuff like that, Benefit especially, and read them over and over and pretend that I own everything.). Haha. And I'm going on a shopping trip tomorrow to get myself some dresses!
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Got to remember to set aside some moolah for Friday's dinner with the GIP girls. (:

I've got a good week ahead but I still miss Lizzie very much. ):
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P.S.: Met up with Chua today and we were like trying to dirty each other with eyeshadows at BHG. Hahaha. What a hoot! (Okay, can you say J-U-V-E-N-I-L-E?!? Nuh uh. I say we are super duper young at heart!)

annoying.

life is C-R-A-P without Lizzie.
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Lizzie, I hope you read this and feel guilty.
(I know you won't. But pretend, for my sake.)

off, flies the bird from the coop.

I was watching some Peranakan cooking show when I thought "Hey! I wanna have my wedding in pjs. And everyone will be in theirs too. How cool is that?!?".
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Weird, I know.

resignation has never been so clearly spelt before.

I am being extremely particular about my summer job. Nothing, NOTHING has taken to my fancy so far. I have never been so fussy before, have I? The past 1.5 years were spent at Starbucks. Before that I was a promoter (for the whole of two weeks. It was painful, seriously, because I had to face this annoying pest of guy the whole time. Thank goodness for Dorcas!), a tutor, a relief teacher, did admin work (which I absolutely ABHOR) and worked at primary school's bookshop. Ugh gawd. I wish I could go back to Starbucks!

When I left, I told Kiat that that part of my life was over and it was time to move on yada yada yada. People don't really move on, do they?

I don't know what the hell I'm rambling about.
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First week of hols is down (Yes, I'm actually counting down. And no, it's not with anticipation for the start of school. It's with dread. A lot of it.). Am I really gonna spend it like this?!?

I think I am.
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Gee, I just realised that I spent every single (long) school vacation working since I was 13. HOO BOY! All of a sudden, I feel so... Diligent. *raises eyebrows*

Ryan Phillippe.

"Tattoos are like a map to your life. Permanence is bravery. So many things in our lives aren’t permanent. Nothing lasts forever."

i feel eviscerated.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I wish I could have a long chat with Lizzie about it. But then, I wouldn't know what to say at all. I freaked out, okay? I seem to be doing a lot of that nowadays. Or maybe I just want some 'me' time. But haven't I got enough of that?!?

I would like to spend my summer hols at Starbucks with a good read. Yeah, that's it. I would like that very much. Just me and my book. With the baristas drink-calling, the whirring of the Verismo or Mastrena, the smell of freshly brewed coffee, strangers pounding busily away at their keyboards, incessant chattering...
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Every night, this guy comes to the front of my window and smokes. I cannot wait for the day when I can bid him goodbye.

'sorry' doesn't mean anything. at all.

Spent my evening with 'The Vampire Diaries' again. Give me a few more weeks, no days and I will be able to recite lines to you, especially those that were exchanged between Anna and Jeremy.
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Signed up for my Aerobics class today. My excitement for it has been dulled by a bout of laziness that has set in as a result of the hols? And no job? Anyway, I actually walked all the way to Tampines and back. Just to stretch my legs a little, even though I had plans to run at night (And yes, I did run.). I'm starting to think that besides being weird, I am masochistic too. Mmmhmmm.
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I backed out of Wednesday's date. I know there's nothing going on because I don't feel anything but it just feels... Weird (Okay, so I do feel something. Lol.). Maybe because I haven't known him long enough? I mean, I am perfectly fine with going out with Lennard, Henry, Derrick, Louis, Cheng Yew... Or maybe because he's like okay with anything and everything and I just don't know how to communicate with people like that without feeling a tad frustrated (I like people with opinions.). Or maybe there's something just really off with me after that episode?

Poo! I really don't want to be thinking about stuff like this. A, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry okay? For backing out twice. I only asked you a second time because I backed out on the first and I felt bad. So now, I feel doubly bad but I just don't do stuff that I think I'm gonna be awkward about.

Sigh. I'm really not good with stuff like this.
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Sad story aside, I won a Benefit hamper! WOOT! This is the first time that I have EVER won anything so I'm sooo excited. And it's BENEFIT to boot! How cool is that?!?

EEK! *excites*

Tomorrow's Agenda

Contemplate about having a nose piercing. No go.
Sign up for Aerobics class.
Try the falsies.
Watch Glee.
Think about my outfit for Thursday.
Review my French.
Review/ relearn Japanese.
Come up with a list of historical events to read up about.
Make cards.

strange, peculiar, odd, queer, quaint, outlandish, singular, eccentric, curious?

In a span of 5 days, I have 4 people telling me that I am weird or different. Whichever. Am I really?!?

(I'm currently waiting for time to hit 8pm so that I can do my last make-up running session. It was either blogging or 'The Vampire Diaries'. Since I don't want to be obsessed about the latter, even though technically I already am, blogging it shall be. And hence, this completely random, out-of-the-blue analytical blog entry of my(weird)self. I'm taking this with a pinch of salt, so really go ahead and call me weird. I bask in that compliment.)

Let me see how I can be weird.

I dream of having a vampire as a boyfriend.
I am  a very extreme person; If I like somebody/ something, it means I really like that person/ thing. And if I hate somebody/ something, well, I really hate that person/ thing. A LOT.
I'd rather be alone than be kept waiting.
I don't do group outings if I can help it.
I HATE games. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE ^(infinity) it.
I have to learn or experience something at every stage of my life.
I like balance, symmetry. Like I wanna do some Arts thing after my Math degree.
I morph into an Ah Lian when I'm really excited/ nervous/ angry. Think: All the Singlish starts coming out.
Some days, I'm confident as hell. And other days, I just wanna crawl under the blanket and disappear.
I get really, extremely, crazily happy after watching American/ Japanese dramas, especially rom coms.
I think that I am meant to be an actress. Just so that I can be a gazillion different people. Just so that I can have a taste of all sorts of professions, all sorts of lives.
I don't get angry often. But when I do, hoo boy! STAY AWAY.
I cry after every exam. Whether it went well or bad.
When I don't worry about something which I think I ought to be worrying about, I get worried.
I hate computer games because I feel so claustrophobic. But I believe that I am fabulous at them.
I think make-up is more interesting than anything else in the world.
I LOVE BOOTS. And even though Singapore is a living furnace, I do not give a damn. I wear my boots and I wear them well and proud.
I do NOT like soft toys. You can't wear them, eat them... You can't do ANYTHING with them. (My bolster takes care of the hugging bit.)
I love highschool shows. I love the yellow bus. I love the classrooms. I love the chalkboard.
I love doing art and craft.
I am more in love with the idea of loving somebody than actually loving that somebody.
I have crazy dreams, like marrying a vampire.
If there's a dark colour, I think there should be a light colour. Check out my clothes the next time.
I can't ride a bicycle.

HAHA. Okay, the last one isn't weird. But so are the rest. I think it's my face or something. Gran's friends are always saying that I look like the gentle sort of girl or something along those lines. But the truth is I ain't. I talk really loudly (Hey! Don't blame me. Blame Mum's side. Everyone's ALWAYS shouting.), I was known to be rough when I played soccer, I have 4 piercings (Okay, it's the norm. But people say that I don't look like the sort who will have more than 2.), I do swear (when I'm really furious. I used to swear all the time, during junior college days.)... And I am a girl who looks mixed or Korean, with Scottish eyes and who doesn't have a Singapore accent. Or so I have been told. *rolls eyes*

As much as I wish I was mixed (1/16 Thai really counts for NOTHING. Sigh. Oh well. Better than nothing.) and speak with a twang (Like dear Lizzie. Sheesh. I can't pronounce the 'th' sound to save my friggin' stupid life.), fact is that I am born and bred in Singapore. A 100% Singaporean product. Not that I'm complaining, really. I mean, Singapore is a nice place. Even if we are perpetually babysat. But hey, we have security...

And as usual, I have digressed and have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. Gonna catch just ONE episode of 'The Vampire Diaries' before I hit the tracks.
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I have decided. No job this summer. Just some good ol' plain slacking. *grins*

what's summer without friends?

Some people do spend an awful lot of time thinking about love. No, I haven't got a problem with that. And their business is theirs and mine is mine yada yada yada. It's just that I'm thinking if I should be giving some thought to it as well. I mean, other than all my celeb boyfriends (Ahem.), the L word doesn't seem to have a place in my head at all. My girlfriends think about it and I? I just don't . Unless, of course, you count my celeb boyfriends. Haha.

Oh well. I guess I will worry about it when the time comes. Whenever that will be.
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I know that I have been blogging excessively. I'm gonna be doing so much of this because I haven't got a job yet. And as mentioned before, I don't really want one. So since I'm not actively looking for a job, I'm not unemployed. HAHA. TAKE THAT, ECONOMICS. I STILL REMEMBER YOU! Haha.

Hmmm, library anyone? Library, Starbucks? Nahhh... I don't really want to spend my money on overpriced beverages, no matter how much I love Starbucks. I need to find a good cheap (preferably, free!) place where I can park my little perky butt (Okay, so I am deluded. Sue me.) and read read read till my eyes fall out.

I really need to do that. To save my pathetic command of English.
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I'm excited about my new house. It's only gonna be ready at the end of the year. But I can't wait. It's my 6th one and it's the first one that's gonna be a proper house. With a rooftop, wet kitchen, my OWN bedroom and all that. Cool beans! I'm gonna have a little vanity corner too! Ah gosh! I have been dreaming about that since I got into make-up.
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Met Liz for lunch today at Eastpoint (Sniff! I will miss you and fish soup!) and then, headed to Tampines. I haven't been there for ages. If you don't count my Friday's run jog crawl. Got myself Bioré's sunscreen and 2 pieces of clothings from Topshop. I was supposed to get my lenses and some other girlie necessities. Oh well. Monday then.
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Blah blah blah. Can't wait to hang out with my friends. May Tuesday 3.30pm quickly come so that I can have Dor, though not all of her since Nigel has laid claim to 7/8 of her. Friday too, so that the title of ownership of Chua is transferred back to me. And seriously, Liz, I wish you were jobless.

Sigh.

the boy.

Steven R. McQueen

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<333

jobs jobs jobs.

I'm supposed to be searching for a job. But ughhh. I'm not really up for it, though I know it's sensible to have one. I mean, what am I gonna do for the next 4 months? Rot? Actually, that sounds like a lovely idea.
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I was thinking that perhaps I should hole myself up in the library because I haven't read a book since... FOREVER. And that sucks. I'm thinking 'History'. It's on the Arts side, but not so completely either because it deals with facts. You know, black, white stuff. Not grey. Nuh uh. Can't deal with those.

But face it, how long can that last?!?
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Books, running, movies, languages, American dramas...

Mmmhmmm.