dancing sneaker

2011-02-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

because everyone needs a change.

because i'm jaded.

lovecharlenejudith@blogspot

Because CNY is a tradition that's as thin as water.

2011-02-04T22:47:00.002+08:00

And another (senseless) Chinese New Year has come to pass. I'm pretty certain when it comes to my time, Chinese New Year won't exist on my calendar at all.

This Chinese New Year, I felt more alone than ever. But it ignited something in me.

My only worry is that I will forget this small flame in my slothfulness and procrastination. When that happens, I will make the rapid transition into the old hag that I dread to become.
-

It's time to pack away my toys as I tighten the rope round my neck. A few weeks back, I applied for internship. Doing so meant 2 things; I forgo any chances of getting first class honours and I graduate an entire year earlier. The professor in-charge, however, intruded my mailbox with discouragement. Or rather, encouragement. If you had been following my self-indulgent entries, you would know that I have completely thrown my degree into the wind. No matter how preachy this sounds, God was (and is) good and gave me good results last semester. My GPA is a little below what is needed for a first class honours but the professor apparently thinks that I can pull a rabbit out of a hat.

When I got that email, I laughed. The semesters are going to get harder. And if you were there to witness my lackadaisical attitude towards school for the past 2 weeks... Whoo boy! I think you tell me to dump that email straightaway. I do so desperately want to get out of dreadful university (And gawd. I absolutely hate it when my aunt tells me I'm not appreciating university life. HOW TO, I ask you! Classes are held in the afternoon, activities end at ungodly hours... The way I roll is I study hard when it comes to school, and when I'm free, I do things that don't need brains. Some call it 'bimbo-tic'. Whatever. That's the way I balance my life.) but at the same time, internship... I will be interning at some school or some government board. Teaching, I have done that already. Working for the government, I have zero interest in it. So yeah, FYP it is.

A friend once told me "If you treasure your hair, don't do FYP.". Sigh. Bye hair. I only pray for strength to last the 4 remaining semesters.

Because if I'm going to do FYP, I sure as hell make certain that the first class honours is mine.

Concrete jungle is STILL a jungle. See? There's the word 'jungle' in it!

2011-01-23T21:45:00.001+08:00

The thought of me being a whole semester closer to graduation makes me want to lose all inhibitions, run amok in the house and throw coloured M&Ms all around the house. But the thought of me needing to go THROUGH the semester first... Well, it pretty much makes me want to retch all my intestines out.
-

That said, I have a concrete plan for my future. Here, 'concrete' means that I am absolutely satisfied with the plan. There's not one bit that I'm unhappy about, unlike my previous plans (Long scrunched up and thrown in the wastepaper basket.). And it's a plan where I'm going to live life the way I want it to be.
-

I don't want to be one of those worn out, haggard people who go "I hate my job.". Dor and I are going to scream "I FRIGGIN' LOVE MY JOB!!!".

She dreams of living on a farm.

I'm trying my very best to dissuade her.

2011-01-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

I have been busy decorating my vanity area and yes, I'm insanely proud of it. *beams* The post will be uo on my other blog over the weekends.
-

Horror is starting next week. Sigh. 4 months of peeing in the pants, spewing of profanities, lots of cursing... So not looking forward to it. On a chirpier note, I'm one semester closer to graduation. *BIG SMILE*
-

I have been watching 'The Office'. (Sam dear, if you aren't watching it, WATCH IT!!! I'm screaming it to you! It's AWESOME!) I do have the horrid empty feeling inside of me now though.

JIM <3 PAM. PAM <3 JIM. *chants*

Their love story drives me insane. Everything is so incredibly sweet. Even Mr. Fitz and Aria can't beat it.
-

God,

I don't need many guys falling at my feet. Really, I don't care for excessive attention. (No, not that I'm receiving any.) I just need the attention of one guy and he's someone like Jim (Just because Jim is, afterall, a fictional character. I KNOW! I CAN MARRY THE SCRIPTWRITER! HE CREATED JIM!).

Amen.

Of black lace and pearls.

2011-01-13T02:49:00.001+08:00

Here I am, at 2.38am, sitting on my bed. In the dark. Wide awake. And wondering why my life isn't played out like a book. Genre: Chicklit.

But I guess 'things don't always go our way'.

What's with me and cliches? I have been practically spamming them in all my writings.
-

I would like to find a nice quiet cafe to do my homework next semester. My heart's really divided when it comes to school. I used to be so focused. But now, dramas and beauty are big parts of my life. I would like to go back to the way things were. Just so that there's stability.
-

I have just one more week of holidays left. How fast is that? I'm gonna be 22 (My cousins happily observed that 10 years from now, I'll be married with kids in tow. It used to be 20 years.)

I'm thinking of ways to decorate my room. I have ideas for my vanity area. I'll need to get some shelves though. But I'm a little tight on money now. Having just splurged on ASOS and f21.

Back-to-school essentials.

Yeah right. Think: Gym socks. Laced hosiery.

Obsessed is a mild word to describe me.
-

The last week.

I want it to be all about me.

the parents are right. danger lurks EVERYWHERE.

2011-01-08T21:08:00.000+08:00

I suddenly realized why F and all his corny lines happened. To prepare me for the real world where sleazebags abound (Girlfriends, DO ask me what had happened.). I hate to admit that I was tempted, but tempted I was (Think: 'Promises' of a Gossip Girl lifestyle.) and tempted I am no longer.

Thank you Lord that I was blessed with circumspection and sensibility.
-

Once bitten, twice shy.

Though I wish I hadn't been bitten at all.

ny resolutions, repentance, gratitude and all that jazz.

2011-01-01T00:18:00.000+08:00

And so ends another year... Depressing, really. I'll be 22 and I feel as if I haven't lived my 21 at all. Okay, technically, I'm not gonna hit 22 the minute it strikes 12, but you get my drift.
-

Resolutions, resolutions... I'm pulling out my Jan 2010 resolutions and having a good laugh at it. You know, people never fulfill their resolutions because they forget about them. So I'm gonna have mine printed out and stuck onto my board. Everything I look up, I'll know what to do with my life.

Actually, I think my resolutions are gonna be exactly like last year's. Lol. I fulfilled some by the way. For instance, drowning myself in American dramas, filing my notes and running.

But I suppose, for the sake of tradition, I will make a list anyway.

Form today onwards, I will

save money. *draws like a gazillion stars beside this*
not buy any more makeup. *draws another gazillion stars*
run at least 3 times a week.
do 250 sit-ups every morn.
wear makeup to school.
attend Church 3 times a MONTH (I said a week by mistake during a recent cell group gathering.).
work VERY HARD on my English and French (I seem to have forgotten all my grammar rules!).
sleep early (HA. I should go to bed like NOW.).
be nice (But there's a limit.).
study VERY HARD (No more shortcuts.).
-
That's about all I guess. And oh yeah. Be more ambitious.

HAPPY 2011 PEOPLE!

(just because my favourite colour is green.)

The L Word. Again.

2010-12-30T01:13:00.002+08:00

I don't really know what to blog about anymore. Thoughts seem way too personal for me to go shouting them out on a public sojourn, happenings are trivial...

It's kinda sad. I have been blogging since I was 9.
-

There doesn't seem to exist any more men on this earth. Like real men. Men who are gentlemanly, who aren't smart alecks, who don't make inane assumptions and proudly accuse people of playing stupid games...

"Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey."

-

Sigh. Oh well. A nun, I shall die.

LWW.

2010-12-26T20:12:00.003+08:00

At this moment, I'm trying to convince my 11-year-old cousin that Justin Bieber is for little children.

"He's a loser."

"The big kids don't like him."

"He just likes to act cool and flick his stupid fringe."

He has been listening to Justin Bieber for the past 2 hours. Gawd.
-

'Love Without Walls' was... Sigh. Everything which I didn't like. I dislike playing games with a bunch of strangers and gawd. GAWD. We had to come up with a friggin' skit. *groans and buries face* After that, we had to sew! And I got pretty frustrated because I forgot my blanket stitch, or whatever that it is called. I used to be so awesome at it. Dang!

Towards the end, I met Lisa and we talked. Quite a bit. But really, I didn't have much to say except a gazillion 'sorry's. I will always be sorry towards her.

A bit of me wishes to the very core of everything that I can blot it out.

Really, really, REALLY hate it.
-

Oh yeah. I really am incredibly anti-social. Sorry to the 'angels'. I am so not a Church-y/ cell-y person.

And really, the committee did an awesome job at organizing LWW. Lisa told me only 2 people managed the food. They didn't get a single wink of sleep. Dedication at its ultimate. Actually, I would have preferred doing all these admin stuff.

I really just have something against games, skits yada yada yada.

HELLO WORLD!!! SPASTIC SMILE

2010-12-21T22:01:00.001+08:00

Whoa. It has been close to a month since I last posted here. And this layout has been here FOREVER. Haha. I'm back anyway.

My thoughts and feelings, they need a sojourn.
-

This semester was another roller coaster ride. Up, down, down, DOWN and DOWN. For the third time since I entered University, I contemplated about dropping out. Sometimes, I feel really alone. But thankfully (or maybe not), I am so money-crazed that I can never ever ACTUALLY drop out. I need the degree to get money. I did the calculations. I can make 20k per month. HOW AWESOME IS THAT! HA.

Right. Once again, my head's up in the clouds.
-

Anyway, my dream of graduating with First Class Honours has been dashed. Not that I care for it anyway. Now. So guess what?!? I'll be graduating an ENTIRE year earlier. Whee!!! :D
-

Though the exams have ended and I should be in a really cheery mood, festive and all, somehow I feel very heartbroken.
-

Oh wow. It's 10 already. Gonna watch 'Meet The Parents' later and it's to the bed. I need sleep!

I was up till 3 plus last night crapping with Alan. Gawd. When I was studying for the exams, I couldn't last past 2.

Charlene, Charlene...
-

By Russel Brand, About Katy Perry (lozock@tumblr)

2010-11-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

i hate what i am doing now. and i hate it that i want to choose the Statistics track but know nuts about it. i mean, what the fuck? the lecturer talks rubbish. and i don't get the textbook.

i want to suck it up and just bang into the wall head-on with this crap but i still have 4 painful semesters to go. i hate this shit. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it.

and i don't believe in doing something that you know you can't, for the love of Christ, fecking do. yes, i'm a bloody perfectionist. so what?

all you mathematicians out there, go rot in hell.

It speaks volumes.

2010-11-20T15:50:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged here in an incredibly long while. I have turned to Twitter, which is something that I check the first thing I wake up and the last thing that I reload before I go to bed. I have found an incredibly awesome bunch of friends on Onsugar and Twitter keeps us close.

They. Are. Incredibly. Awesome.
-

Have been shopping a lot. Makeup, clothes... I'm getting my Babyliss curler next week (Fingers crossed that it will be a smooth transaction! I'm literally dying to get my hands on it!) and I'm so excited about that!

Have been obsessing over a certain English teacher too. From Rosewood. Very, very cute. I love his facial expressions and the way he acts.
-

I may sound shallow and materialistic with all my wants, buys and silly obsessions, but I think that I'm quite a lot happier than... Well, fill in the dots yourself.
-

It's hard to keep a friendship going when the other party shuts you out. And it hurts when they don't reply to SMSes or do so like a few days later.

When that happens, it's my turn to shut you out.
-

I prefer to live in a world of my own so much more. Just a few close friends.

Thousands less complications and unnecessary emotions.

Don't you agree?

2010-11-01T19:48:00.000+08:00

I am more dead than dead. Gawd.

Charlene, this isn't secondary school anymore. You can't just work hard on some subjects and pretend that the rest don't exist because EVERYTHING COUNTS. EVERYTHING IS OF EQUAL WEIGHTAGE.
-

Oh good gawd. I have barely started on Linear Algebra II and as for tomorrow's Linear Alegebra I... Gawd. I'll be needing a coffin soon. And I think I annoyed Derrick. :\

Sigh...
-

Dear Holidays,

Please come already. My heart is bleeding for you.

Love,
Char

Words fail.

2010-09-29T17:14:00.009+08:00

I'm giving myself a break till 5pm before I attempt to drown myself in the world of Calculus where sequences and series abound. My moods/ emotions have been on some of a massive roller coaster, going all the way up and then, zooming all the way down.

But it's getting better. My nerves are calmer. I really need to get patience flowing in my blood. Agitation serves no purpose.

Haha. What a disconnected sentence. As long as I get what it means.
-

From today onwards, I'm bidding Facebook and Twitter bye till Sunday nights. I'm such an addict.

Oh! Anyway, because I was giving myself this break till 5, I wanted to watch 90210. But it's such a crappy show and I decided to give up watching all other shows. And I'm pretty sure that I won't even be tempted when it comes to 'The Vampire Diaries'.

Bored of dramas, I supposed. When I'm into something, I'm really into it. And once I'm out, I can never find my way back in. It's a good thing, in this case. Right?

My English is so going to the dogs. Thank goodness for the books that I bought at the end of the holidays. I'm still very much into John Grisham.
-

Last night, I printed out my lab assignment and worked on it. This morning, I woke up at 5.15am, all ready to go to school, punch in the codes, do some correction and bid ugly school goodbye. I arrived in school, completely zonked out. As I was walking to the lab, I saw this 'foreigner (He completely didn't look Chinese or Singaporean.)' and out of habit, I tried to guess his country. (SHIT. It's 5pm already. Okay, 5.15pm.) When I reached his table (I had to walk past his table in order to get to the lab.), he said 'Hi Charlene.'. Then I realized that he was an ex-schoolmate. I was a little too stunned (because of various issues. I mean, I'm pretty sure, no dead certain, he hates the crap out of me.) and way too zombie-fied to mind my manners. I did manage a hurried 'Oh hello though.' before scurrying off to the lab.

At the lab, I realized that I was the only one, save for some random guy who was surfing, there. I was early, yes, but usually there would be others (from my course) who were earlier than me. And then, to my HORROR, I found out that there was no lab.

You can't imagine how much I felt like shooting myself in the foot.

I took a cab home. The damage was 40 bucks but heavy traffic was avoided. Gran nearly suffered a cardiac arrest when I told her. I explained that I was from the bloody west. It serves as a reminder of how much I hate the west and school and to be more aware of the happenings in school from today onwards.

I was home 4 hours after leaving it. Fell into a deep coma for 2 hours. Studied Linear Algebra II whilst checking Facebook and Twitter sporadically.
-

Boring story of my day.
Bye virtual world.

2010-09-26T16:47:00.002+08:00

Preferential treatment reeks so bad in the family.

$harlene

2010-09-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

I have been blogging tons of nonsense lately, thinking about all the things which I shouldn't be spending precious time on. School's been a major pain in the butt (I took my 6th test this morning... Is it the 6?!? I lost count.). But I can't lose sight of the future over petty feelings and thoughts.

I can't.
And I won't.
-

Starting from tomorrow, I'm camping at ___(insert: place)___. It will be my secret hideout (Okay, not so secret if you follow my Twitter.) and no one will find me there. I shall spend so much time with Math that I become Math herself (Yes, Math is a female. Ha!). Haha.

On a happier note about school, I'm actually excited that I'm FINALLY doing Probability and Statistics, even though I don't understand what's going on (Seriously, lectures are a complete waste of time. I have decided to self-study. I learnt SO MUCH more. It could be because I'm a slow learner and I really need to understand it through and through before moving on.), because Statistics is the track that I want to go into.
-

A friend once tweeted 'If you're good at something, people will throw money at you to do it.'. Something along those lines. That will be my mantra from now on.

It's a powerful one, aye?

silence.

2010-09-24T15:52:00.002+08:00

WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?!? HELLO CHARLENE. PLEASE RETURN TO EARTH AND STOP LIVING IN THE CLOUDS. THE CLOUDS DON'T WANT YOU!

resolution.

2010-09-20T19:35:00.000+08:00

From today onwards, I shall be a dedicated Math student.

I can and will beat the crap out of Math.
-

Haha.

Bye.

thank you.

2010-09-19T01:37:00.001+08:00

This blog has sadly been left to rot. But rot no more, it will. I'm trying to find a balance between everything. Okay, really, it's just between work and fun. But I can't. Junior college gave me enough proof.

Beauty blogging will be done on Fridays from now on. I need a schedule so that I don't go haywire. I do that real easily.
-

Today, whilst yakking away to JH on the train, I realized that Jian Rui was standing opposite me. I couldn't remember his name initially (God help my memory!) and I was asking JH about it ("Do you remember? The really smart guy? The canoeist."). I'm not sure if he heard. I wasn't sure if he recognized me either. Anyway, he turned around and smiled and we talked after I hanged up the phone.

I never spoke to him in school. My first encounter with him happened last year, while I was on my way to dance class. He talked to me like I was an old friend. I pointed out my dance studio to him so that he could go check it out and quickly zipped into the toilet (God help my bladder!). When I came out, I found him waiting outside, just so that he could bid me goodbye.

Anyway, I got off at Lavender to get Dor's camera and then, met Kim and Ru at Bugis. I was trying to find the way to Hairloom & Caramel when Jian Rui popped out of nowhere. He was like "Are you lost?" and he led us to Shaw Towers.

I don't think I have met a nicer guy. Eli told me he's an A*Star scholar, he's a fab canoeist but he has completely no airs.
-

When Kim found out that I was interested in L'Oreal HiP, she invited me to the event.

When June's friend backed out of the event, she called to ask if I were interested.

When I needed help on eye creams and concealors, Joyce gave me tons of advice.

When I told Hazel that I was interested in the OCC lip tars, she gave me samples.

When I raved about Eryacne and complained that it was only available in Bangkok, Charlene offered to buy it for me.

When I needed a camera desperately, Dor offered me hers.

When I need someone to dry my tears or tell me that I am sane, I have Chua, Eli and Dor.

I think that I am a very, very lucky girl.
-

On a side note, I have been obsessing over B. He's like the PERFECT boy.

But sigh.

I am so not 'holy' enough.

Gawd. I am NOWHERE 'holy'. )':

Decisions, decisions...

2010-09-01T23:25:00.000+08:00

i actually like it a lot better when people call me Char.
-

Will it be 18 or 20 AUs?

school woes.

2010-08-29T00:15:00.000+08:00

All of a sudden, I'm excited about the new school term. Before this, I felt as if I was going to have illnesses of all sorts because the final papers for 2 Math modules (Whatever they are.) and French III fall on the SAME day.

As much as I didn't want to drop French III, I knew I had to. For the sake of my sanity and my mental health.
-

Gawd. Like seriously. You should meet my teacher. She's worse than Simon Cowell. My forehead felt like it was going to erupt in zits every lesson.

And I still want to catch 'The Vampire Diaries' and 'The City'.

Don't worry. We'll throw him into the wash and he'll be grand.

2010-08-23T08:54:00.000+08:00

The other day, someone asked if I would just drop all my career plans for that someone special. And I realized, to my consternation, that yes, yes I would. I don't know if I should applaud myself for believing in the whole idea of 'true love' or recoil in disgust and horror.

But I wonder what it would be like to take a trip down to the countryside and be completely swept of your feet by a whole different world.

But then, really. You're just falling in love with novelty, isn't it?
-

You've got it right. I have just watched a movie. 'Leap Year' starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode (ZT, you will love his accent. It's just like Franklin's, except that Matthew Goode has class. And Franklin... Well, I don't like him.).
-

When school comes round, I'm gonna make time for a movie every week. No, I'm so not gonna deal with the horror genre.

Okay, maybe just one.

Or two.

No, maybe not.

Fancy footwork matters to me.

2010-08-22T23:45:00.000+08:00

Even though summer's ending, it's still getting sweeter! And I really have a whole long list of people to thank for!

At the top of it is God.
-

Eli, MAKE SURE I attend Church next week. Let's make it a every-Sunday thing. So that we can see each other as well.

Love you much!

PISSED OFF.

2010-08-20T13:43:00.002+08:00

I'm annoyed. Way annoyed. I think I have been annoyed at just about everything

Firstly, my schedule is MINE to decide. Did you expect us to spend the entire night talking? Dude, we don't even talk on MSN anymore. All I did was to ask if it were alright to have an early dinner so that I could do my running later on. You could have just said "No.", instead of "I'm going to leave next week and here you are trying to make dinner earlier so you can run.". Dude. You pissed me off. Big time. It's not like poof! You're not returning ever again. And we have already met up!!! Dude. Too bad that I can't read your offline message because you have been blocked. Bye. Have a safe trip. I hope you never come back.

Secondly, I thought of the perfect gift. I'm hoping so badly that it arrives on Tuesday. But it will probably arrive on Wednesday instead. Unfortunately, the receiver won't be home to get it because of STUPID CAMPS and all the STUPID 24/7-ON-PROZAC CAMPERS. I HATE CAMPS!!! Like &*&&@##%5E#@*#*$($$*(@$)@*!#.
(To all my friends who love camps to bits, please just ignore me. I'm having a major bitch fit at the moment.)

Thirdly, I had been entertaining some seriously dumb thoughts in my head for like what? 19 days?!? Reality slapped me last night but it's annoying that I had even let a single thought made rounds in my head. ANNOYED. FRIGGIN' ANNOYED.

Last but not least, why is my tagboard spammed with STUPID nonsense?!?
-

Last night's anger has, very unfortunately, been brought forward today.

I don't care if this entry reeks with immaturity. Right not, I'm a teen who's annoyed with the whole damn friggin' world and I'm gonna plan my Art & Craft and sleep this stupid, dreadful mood away.

Oh yes. Another thing that is making me fume. I broke 2 of my makeup items this week! Now the stupid compact's casing won't close and my Benetint won't be screwed shut. UGH.

Rude awakening.

2010-08-18T01:16:00.000+08:00

3 years from now, I'll be making a life decision. I was supposed to make it a year ago but I decided to postpone it a little (Half the time, I feel like I'm wasting my time. But things happen for a reason. And well, really, I didn't know what I wanted back then.).

I'm just wondering, 3 years from now, am I gonna choose money over the proverbial 'happiness'?
-

I like money. A lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. I'm money-minded, yes. I'm calculative, ask my sister. I love money.

Dude, like who doesn't?

Without money, you are nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

EARTH TO CHARLENE.

2010-08-16T22:36:00.001+08:00

Basically, I have slacked in just about every aspect of my life. It isn't doing much good and it has been made pretty darn obvious to me in my DREAMS. School hasn't started (Okay, so there are like only 13 days to go. Not counting today.) and I already have nightmares about school. The French teacher is breathing down my neck, I am retained again blah blah blah... Scares me shitless. Yet I can still sit around in my pjs, thinking about all sorts of nonsensical things.
-

Charlene, yohoo!!! What's with you?!?

Tomorrow will be a different day. I swear.

(The greatest accomplishment of summer: I studied comparatives and superlatives. Like finally!)
-

Oh! Something to smile about. I have an event this Saturday to attend. Yay!

Insanity much?

2010-08-13T01:44:00.000+08:00

Should I let sleeping dogs lie or nudge them a little?

Somehow, I miss him MORE than I should. I mean, it has been aeons. Sigh. It could be due to the fact that he was like the very first and I'm all about symbols and significance or whatever it's called.

But ummm... This is farcical. I keep 'looking out' for him.
-

Okay night. Latest I have stayed up in a long while.

it's terribly hard to walk the talk, isn't it?

2010-08-11T06:35:00.000+08:00

I'd like to think that I was slightly possessed for the past few days, hence those strange, befuddled entries. I'm still leading a lackadaisical life.Whoopee!

And I just realized that I lost the backing of one of my earrings. Crap.

Give me a minute.

Okay, I can't find it.
-

Me: Where's my sister?
Mum: She's still out.
Me: Oooh! Aren't I the good child? I don't stay out late.
Mum: It's because you're lazy.

I hardly ever hang out in groups. I hate waiting. Waiting for people to arrive at said location, waiting for people to decide a place to eat, waiting for people to decide what to eat yada yada yada.

And I can't do small talk.

Well, I mean I can but it comes out so forced that I just rather keep dumb.
-

Oh gawd.

I'm turning anti-social.

2010-08-09T00:13:00.002+08:00

i refuse to say it out loud.
-

but it's running rounds in my head.

dang.

seriously.

i have been sitting around...

2010-08-05T23:25:00.001+08:00

Meeting with friends that I haven't seen for a long time always gives me much food for thought. But gawd, do I hate thinking. -

For me, I want to do something different, learn something new for every stage of my life. I wasn't a brilliant student in primary school. I got by. In secondary school, I was plagued by a whole lot of insecurities (And I guess I still am.). That made me turn to studies for comfort and that was also when my grades really shot up. I spent every waking and non-waking hour (I literally dreamt of Math formulae. Haha.) on my studies. I shunned school activites because... Well, I could use the time to do some extra studying! Duh. And when I went on to junior college, I wanted to change that. I took part in camps, joined soccer, played in the A Divisions, knew most of the Science people... I practically morphed into a extrovert overnight. And just because I am not meant to be that perfect girl leading the unblemished life that everyone wants, I fell. Hard. And boy, did it hurt like mad.

I decided to drown depression with work. For the first time in my life, I got myself a proper job at Starbucks (I started working at the age of 13. But it was always under Aunt.). I got acquainted with work politics, big, mean people and chores. For someone who always had someone trailing behind her to pick up her pieces, washing tha plates and cups of others was... Well, humbling? I slipped just once, but I am proud to say that I could separate work and personal issues, easy peasy. People always regard me as meek, but if a job requires me to talk to strangers or bellow, I am perfectly comfortable with that. I learnt to be handy. I learnt to be fast. I learnt to 'just do it'. No one wants a slow and hesistant worker.

My third year of junior college was a year of discipline. I rushed home every day after school. I did my homework after lunch and evenings were spent in the park, running. Nights were reserved for revision. Of course, towards the end, my schedule was greatly modified. But it was a time when I could make myself sit down and study. Alone. Without my SMS beeping away. Without my thoughts far away. Without tears threatening to make their appearance. I needed that a lot after my 2nd year.

Came the period after the big As. I told myself that I wanted to work myself to death. I wanted the feeling of it so that I wouldn't treat my education lightly. And I got it. At one stage, I was juggling 3 jobs at one time. It was perfect. I love the fact that I had something on every minute but of course, the sloth in me decided to stick to my favourite job. A certain boy may have played quite a large part in that decision making but well, I did learn a lot about work ethics. Also, it's good to know that there ARE boys my age who are responsible beings.

University happened in my life after that. Year 1 Semester 1, I was determined to be full-blown nerd. But it took its toll on me. I burned out right before the finals. *curses* Semester 2, I decided to take it a little easy. But I studied the wrong way and well, I suppose I took it a little TOO easy. Pure Mathematics modules were too difficult for me so I gave up and studied to just do well for a particular test. When the finals came, I found myself in deep shit, especially for one particular module.

Year 2's beckoning. My grand summer plan didn't materialize. I'm left with exactly 24 days to salvage it.

I think it's time to get ambitious.

2010-08-05T00:17:00.000+08:00

Watching 'No Limits' is making me gush like mad. Dai Yang Tian and Felicia Chin are so cute together!!! *gushes* It doesn't help that the English song at the end sounds so romantic. *gushes again*

You can go wherever you want to go, leave the past behind. You can be whatever you want to be, just don't let the precious moments of your life pass you by.

It makes me want to fall in love. With Dai Yang Tian, of course. But I don't mind Alexander Skarsgard. Hehehe. *gushes*

2010-08-02T19:31:00.002+08:00

I don't think that humiliation should be used in the name of fun or as a teaching tool.

i just had an epiphany.

2010-08-01T17:29:00.000+08:00

I haven't got a clue about the game that you're playing but I'm not interested. My curiosity might have got the better of me for the past 2 days but I've got my thoughts straightened out.

You are not and will never be part of my plan for the future.

i miss my nurse!!!

2010-07-30T00:17:00.001+08:00

My heart did an involuntary flip yesterday when he initiated a conversation with me. But I'm kind of on the edge... Like I'm afraid that he's still the old him and he will have one of those weird moods. Like one minute he's all friendly and the next, he's distant.

Shit. I don't know why I'm so afraid of that happening.
-

Oh anyway...

filza- says:
hahahha. it's okay i still have a few more days to chillax
heh, depends on my tutorials.
im trying to get a thursday freee

charlene says:
OH! I love the word chillax btw!
haha
wow!
i have like a mad schedule next sem
damn sian

filza- says:
chillax chillax chillax!
oh how mad?

charlene says:
like 4 hours of lecture at one shot
sch everyday
2 days end at 5.30
the rest at 3.30
2 mods are worth 4 AUs

filza- says:
eeeeeeeeeeeekkkks!

charlene says:
kill me already!!!

filza- says:
*stabs charlene*

charlene says:
*can't die*
shit!!!
it's the Education god

filza- says:
HAHAHHHAHHAHA.

charlene says:
he refuses to let me die
LOL
omg
lame

filza- says:
HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
typical charlene

charlene says:
EH WHAT?!?!
LOL
takes 2 hands to clap!!!

filza- says:
ur hands are magic...
which reminded me... I HAVE A FRIEND WHO CAN CLAP WITH ONE HAND
hahahhaha, it was really freaky!!

i'm swallowing a lot. and not really caring about it.

2010-07-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

It's sheer delight reading Cheryl's and Samantha's blogs because I feel like I'm doing something about my atrocious English. I have finally picked up a book. Yes, I had thumbed through the pages of the book before. Yes, I did indeed zero in on the nice, sweet, romantic bits. But hey! I have finally started on 'THE GREAT SUMMER PLAN'.

So much for the summer plan. I have done absolutely ZILCH to better myself. It's annoying and it's even more so if I were to dedicate an entire entry, lamenting about how I silly I am. So let's skip to the next bit. Self-revelation.
-

I was reading 'The Undomestic Goddes' (And can I just stop and swear here? I just found out that it's being made into a movie and GAWD. Demi Lovato is Samantha Sweetings and Joe Jonas is Nathaniel. I'm fine with them but them as the leads?!? They're gonna spoil it! *cries*) and I just can't imagine myself doing something that's brain-numbing. Okay, I'm currently doing that and stabbing myself mentally for every minute that passes by. But for life??? I love Samantha Sweetings (I'm making a point to say her entire name because it rolls off my tongue very prettily.)' high-flying life! That was the kind of life I envisioned for myself when I was in secondary school. And now?

I'm watching 'NBC Nightly News' religiously from now onwards. I'm gonna carry my French book everywhere I go. I'm gonna use less 'like' and 'friggin''. I'm gonna learn how the stock market works. I'm going to bury myself in law, economics and finance books. I'm hitting the gym every day from next week onwards (I'm currently nursing a vicious bout of flu.). I'm gonna finish that darn '10, 000' Words book, which I started when I was 15 (Did the front, did the back and stop.)

Haha. Who am I kidding?
-

Gonna try and craft out another difficult email now.
I'm trying to clear the skeletons in my closet.

2010-07-24T06:55:00.001+08:00

I'm getting the idea that perhaps I have stopped knowing how to be a friend.

Or maybe I never did know how to be one at all.
-

It has been a battle trying to sleep for the past few nights. Illness is, sure as hell, at my doorstep. Darn.

I think I need a chicklit. Any recommendations?

mmhmm...

2010-07-18T14:15:00.002+08:00

C – This letter defines a very skillful, versatile, and competent individual. They are gentle, kind, and very lavish with their money. Many are natural born promoters. In an argument, you want their gentle wit, fairness, and logic on your side. However, the C first name letter can also be vicious and vengeful if they feel hurt. Loyalty means a lot to them in life.

J – This is the letter of ruthless ambition. People with this letter will stop at nothing to get what they want out of life. The J type is also honest to a fault, so much so that they drive friends and partners away with their candid observations and humor. However, for the most part, they are kind and well meaning and do well when they find an understanding partner.

hear it from New York.

2010-07-18T12:01:00.001+08:00

I went for a workshop on Friday and got my first taste of acting. Subconsciously, I always know that it isn't as glamorous as it looks like on teevee but to have the dirty truth flung so violently in my face... Well, it is disappointing. And sheesh, do I shake in front of the cameras and lights!

Still, it was a good experience. You get to know how fake things, people too, can be.
-

From Monday onwards, it's gonna be all action. I swear upon my life. Early night on Sunday and early morning on Monday. I want to spend the remaining days of summer in a cafe, studying my languages.
-

I try to be patient, really. But I guess I'm not trying hard enough. I get irked so easily that it irks me. Ugh. I wish I hadn't shouted but that woman is seriously losing her friggin' head. I pray that I won't end up like her when I do get my own children.
-

On a cooler note, something cool's gonna happen on Tuesday! I'm ecstatic!!! Like completely! *throws flowers*

boys, who else?

2010-07-17T11:36:00.000+08:00

i think boys who read, work or have a deep passion for something are worth having a second look at.

other than that, no.

let's do it the old-school way.

2010-07-15T19:24:00.000+08:00

I really hate it when people make it sound like I'm obliged to reply to their MSN conversations. Okay, I know it's a matter of being polite and all that jazz. But I talk to whoever that I want to talk to. And if I ain't in the mood to talk to you, you sure as hell do not piss me off by telling me that I didn't reply to your MSN conversations.
-

Okay, I'm just a little mad at various things right now. Just a small (and sweet) digression (Completely necessary to be told because it leads to everything else.), on Tuesday, I met the TJ guy that I used to have a major crush on back when I was 15/ 16. It was like a secondary school girl having the world's biggest crush on the JC kor kor on Bus 24. I didn't see him again after well, I suppose, after he graduated from JC. I was surprised he noticed me because I didn't. I was too busy laughing with my siblings over 'Despicable Me' (Go watch, if you haven't!). But he kept looking over. So well, if anyone were to stare at me, you could bet that I would stare back too, attempting to zap the stare-r into thin air so that me, the stare-e, could continue to merge with the background. HAHA. Okay. That's utter nonsense. But after a while (Sorry!), I was like OH!!! And we smiled at each other just before he alighted. Sweetest summer ever! (:

But back to the story, after the incident, it made me think about the entries I wrote about him. There are only a few but one incident remains as crystal clear as it was when I was 15. I thought he had sat beside me and was getting jittery and all that. But lo and behold! It was some old man/ lady who took the seat beside me. And Dad witnessed the entire episode. He didn't know exactly what happened but he was definitely amused with the sudden change in my facial expression. Haha. I wrote that incident in an English assignment of mine and my teacher just kept smiling at me after that. Haha.

I searched for my old diaries. I did read those about him but I also ended up reading other entries too. It was really interesting to read the thoughts of 15-year-old me. Stuff that used to bother me then, don't bother me now. I really hated my skin back then (Plagued with major acne problems.), thought a lot about boys, marriage, love and kids, wanted desperately to live in New York and meet guys like Jack Harper (From 'Can You Keep a Secret?'. Gosh! I have been reading this book since 2004. Can you imagine how many times that is? No wonder the book's all yellow! I think I got it right after Samantha Eng did a skit on it. Haha. I remembered that only Madam Surayah got the 'G spot' bit.) and well, of course, studies. Studies were a huge part of my life, and they still are. But my aspirations and determination have been dampened. A lot. By certain decisions that I made, by laziness, by procrastination, by the fact that I want the easy way out, by the fact that I keep hoping that things will drop into my lap...

21's coming soon and thank God that I know now that things will NOT drop into my lap. I can't just work hard in one aspect and expect the rest to come easy to me. I need to work hard in ALL aspects. I'm almost afraid. I just want to lie in my bed and dream, really. But turning 21 HAS to mean SOMETHING. It HAS to CHANGE something. And if it means having to say more 'yes'es (To all things legal and lawful and righteous in God's eyes.) and less 'no's, then I say "Bring it on!".
-

Let's see... Right now, I have got a good one month and 16 days to say as many 'no's as possible... Possibly enough 'no's to last me for the rest of my life, because once 21 arrives, 'no' isn't gonna be in my dictionary any more (Again, this only applies to all things legal and lawful and righteous in God's eyes.).
-

And I really wanted to say that I miss the old-school way of journaling. But oh well.

hang dear.

2010-07-10T09:17:00.000+08:00

I had a really sweet customer yesterday. I wish I got her Facebook information or something.
-

Sometimes, I wish I could keep in contact with all the nice people that I have met. Even though the newspapers spell a very bleak world, that's on the verge of an Armageddon (The lady at my workplace always says that the world is turning chaotic, mad.), there are really nice people out there. I know I probably won't talk much to them after that but at least, it's good to know how they are doing with their Facebook updates and stuff like that.

I remember my customers at Starbucks but the memories are fading. Thank God for journals. But even then, all my memories are journaled online. I'm scared that the servers will crash and then, I won't have my memories with me anymore.
-

I don't think badly of these social networking sites. Sure, you don't cultivate real friendships since everything takes place in the virtual world but at least you have a bit of everyone.

I cried after the big Os, when I realized that I won't be seeing those people that I have been seeing for 4 years. Even if the person only left a shallow footprint on my sand, 10 years down the road, I still would like to know if he/ she were doing well.
-

Anyway, my lappie's sick. Sigh. I saved some virus stupidly. Really annoyed because now I'm gonna lose all my stuff and it sucks because I have got textbooks saved on my lappie. Ugh.

BUT 3 things made me real happy yesterday. The feeling has kinda ebbed away because I'm waiting anxiously for an email. SIGH. Should have called them back but I was working. And I had an awful dream last night. That it wasn't true at all. That I still had to fight.

Fighting for myself is my forte. But it's not when I have to prove myself to OTHERS. I never compete with others, never really bothered with others when it comes to competitions. It's always with myself. That was what my primary school teacher taught me. (:

i'm still at square one.

2010-07-06T23:15:00.000+08:00

Today, I had a scary thought.
Today, I realized that even though I don't hurt but I still remember.

Oh for crying out loud! Will I never ever get over him?
And it isn't because he's an awfully good catch because there's plenty of copies of him around (Ouch!).
He and his cheesy lines. He and his stalker-like tactics. He and his crocodile tears.

It's just 'cause he's the first and I'm ALL about symbols.
-

Am back working, despite nursing a very sore throat and the occasional sniffles because, gawd! I swear it's gonna snow any moment in that stupid building. It's so friggin' frigid that I literally CANNOT feel my fingers and I can see every single vein that runs in me! But anyway, thank God for my workmates, Doris and Michelle (She's my sis' secondary school classmate! How cool is that! And we totally, completely click! Think: Makeup.)! (:

My English's junk so I don't feel like writing/ typing anymore.
Reading 'Can You Keep A Secret?' for the 1058243549585th time and the giggles still come. Sophie Kinsella's amazing!

And so is 'White Chicks'! Watched that when ZT stayed over. (:

Ramblings No. 10243724921492012

2010-07-03T16:49:00.000+08:00

I have been nursing a seriously bad bout of flu. Gawd. I don't remember taking 4 days AND COUNTING to recover from some stupid virus. UGH. It's pissing me off really bad because I just started work and WHAM! Sorry Sharon, I can't turn up for work because I lost my voice *starts croaking*. Yes, I really did lose my voice. I don't even remember when was the last time I lost my stupid voice. I hate being sick. I swear to God no more late nights, plenty of water, no more Twisties (I have been craving for them.) and lots of exercise. I swear!!!
-

HIMYM is really nice.

where are my summer bubbles?

2010-06-26T22:23:00.001+08:00

YAY!!! My hair's black again!!! *dances*
-

Let's rewind back to July 2009. Stupid ol' me always yearned for brown hair. Dad bestowed me JET BLACK HAIR, which, well, of course, I didn't like. I wanted dark brown hair because that's sooo EURASIAN-LIKE (And we all know that Eurasians are drop-dead gorgeous. Well, most anyway. And yeah, like hair colour can completely change your features. *rolls eyes* Okay, but that was (Emphasis on the tense: WAS.) me a year ago.). So anyway, I tried one brand in the shade black-brown. And of course, it didn't show up. So I dyed my hair again, using Revlon's Dark Brown, within a week. Yes, I killed my hair. But yes, L'Oreal's condtioner revived it. Thank you, hair god. But anyway, no one could tell the difference. Unless I stood under the light or the sun. My hair is, no was, that black.

Thereafter, thoughts of dyeing my hair still lingered. But I hate the new roots that come out (Or whatever you call them.), okay? I hate them vehemently. I mean, gawd. It's so friggin' UGLY. The other concern was dry hair. And a rather major one at that. Because (Okay, don't correct my English.) at one point in time, which isn't so long ago, I was rebonding my hair once every 4 months. Talk about chemicals, cancer blah blah blah. I'm heading down to six feet under. Practically sprinting towards it.

Now, let's fast forward to yesterday. Dorcas P. told mentioned that the Liese's hair dye was good. And I have been eyeing on that hair dye for ages because deep down, I still wanted to look Eurasian. Even if it's only my hair. Plus the one at NAC's Watsons came with a free cap (YAY!!! FREEBIESSS!!!). So I bought the one in Chestnut Brown (because I thought Dark Chocolate wouldn't show, like the first 2.) and the moment I got home, I holed myself up in the loo and spent an hour in there.

And when I emerged, GUESS WHAT?!? JUST THE CROWN OF MY HEAD WAS BROWN. AND GAWD, WAS THE BROWN LIGHTTTTTTTTTTTT. I was thrilled that my hair's actually capable of absorbing dye but gawd, I looked like I was perpetually right under the sun, where the rays just hit the top of my head! And because my eyebrows like black, I had turned into the ah lian that I didn't want to.

Today, I got Revlon's Soft Black (I ran all over Simei and Tampines, trying to find Beauteen's Asian Black, because that was the colour of my hair initially, but I couldn't find a single box of it!!! *cries* Oh well. I think in 2 years time, all these chemically ill-treated hair will have been snipped off.) and just spent an hour and a half in the loo. Conditioning like mad.

But yes, I have my black (though not black enough) hair again.
-

Dear Hair,

You will remain black for the rest of your and my life until, of course, old age takes over. Even if you don't believe it, because of all the chemical abuse I have put you through, I love you. Always have and always will. So please love me back and do not go all straw-y on me because I will cry.

Love,
Charlene J.
-

On a lighter note, some stranger tried to find a soulmate in me. HAHAHA. (It's spam, I know. But let's pretend that it isn't.) Honey, you're completely dreaming. At the moment, I only have eyes for Huang Xiao Ming. Gawd. He's sooo friggin' cute!!! *has a fangirl moment*

'Cause it'll be a shallow one.

2010-06-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm starting to wonder if deep, completely intense love doesn't exist. If that's the case, I don't ever want to be in love.

And I shall start praying from tonight onwards that Vic and Barbie will get back together, tie the knot and have a million kids. THEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!

And and how do all those manga authors come up with those love stories?!? HOW?!? It's so incredibly romantic, sweet, PERFECT... Oh gosh. I want to be a manga character!!!

MARS is like the most emotional and romantic show that I have ever come across! But of course, watch it in fast-forward mode. It's s-l-o-w.

tell no one, peach.

2010-06-23T20:13:00.000+08:00

I have been very random lately. The other day, I headed to the ATM to make a transfer for some (more) blushes and then, I thought "I need peach-flavoured bubble tea.". So I turned the other direction and spent a dollar and twenty on my peach-flavoured bubble tea (and saved myself 90+ bucks?!?). Today, I said something random to Dor, while we were out. I can't recall what it is now (because it was random). But it was dead random.

Oh yes. Another example. Whilst having dinner just now, suddenly I went 'I wonder how we will look like in Heaven. Will we be a beam of light? Will we look like Jesus? Will we look like how we look like when we are in our prime? Or wrinkled like a baby mouse? Or can we change our look whenever we want? Or will we all have one generic look?'. It's so strange because I wasn't thinking about God before that.
-

Yesterday, my bro, sis and I walked into ZARA and I saw a checkered shirt. And I was like 'Okay. That's the shirt that Josh MUST have.'. So I got him to try (He was so resistant. For what, I cannot fathom. Everyone looks good in checks!).

I was in a good mood.
-

And I don't know why the fact that Sun Ho made it in some L.A. news blog qualifies as a piece of news itself.

Of course, I read it.
-

Currently watching 'MARS'. It's an idol drama, starring Vic Zhou and Barbie Hsu (I LOVE BARBIE HSU. Her acting's top notch!). But it's one that deals with more serious issues, like psychological matters and sexual abuse. Of course, I'm watching it in my fast-forward mode.

I was just wondering how psychological stuff is just a matter of perception. Okay, obviously. But... Okay, in the show, Vic had a twin brother. His twin brother was the righteous, timid sort who got bullied (And of course, Vic's the complete opposite.). Vic found out that they were born out of an affair that their Mum had. He disliked his brother, told his brother the truth and the brother committed suicide. FACT: He killed his brother by playing with the latter's mind. But then, Barbie told him that no, it wasn't him. He didn't mean that. I think he accepted Barbie's explanation (But I can't really tell because there were no English subtitles and everything was in Chinese.)... But I mean, don't you see something that is wrong here?

FACT is that he killed his brother. HE DID. But if he accepted Barbie's explanation and believed that he didn't have the intention of doing so when he told his brother the truth, then... What exactly is this?

Okay. I'm not eloquent enough, so I'm gonna go back to my drama.
-

I don't really want to think nowadays.

blank.

2010-06-20T12:50:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging because there's nothing in my head worth blogging about. My concerns are trivial and my thoughts... Well, I like to keep them mine.
-

Anyway, I now understand what it is like when you just don't feel it anymore.

foodies!!!

2010-06-14T17:42:00.001+08:00

Lalala. Because I'm completely bored out of my gourd, I'm gonna blog about the strange things that I love to eat. Okay, they aren't strange. They are only strange because OTHERS say they are. To me, they are completely normal, edible foods. And I know I shouldn't start a sentence with 'because'.

Scambled Egg
1. Mash up a hard-boiled egg.
2. Add sugar.
3. Add butter/ mayonnaise.
4. Add black pepper.
5. Mash up everything.
6. Eat it and go "Ahhh...".

Egg Drink
1. Crack a raw egg into a cup.
2. Add rock sugar.
3. Pour boiling water into the cup until it's near to the brim.
4. Cap the cup and wait for 5 minutes.
5. Drink it and go "Ahhh...".

Mashed Potato
1. Mash up a cooked potato.
2. Add sugar.
3. Add butter/ mayonnaise.
4. Add black pepper.

5. Mash up everything.

6. Eat it and go "Ahhh...".

Oh gawd. I'm incredibly bored. BUT I prefer boredom to fatigue and frustration.

And I'll not be held responsible if you decide to try these recipes. I do not get tummy upsets from these. But it could be due to years of conditioning.

borrring.

2010-06-13T20:11:00.000+08:00

I don't really know what to blog these days. The first week of unemployment was spent eating. Haha. Eating's good. Hmmm... I slept in, surfed aimlessly, slacked like I would never be able to slack again and of course, ate and ate and ate. Sounds as if I have been starved. Haha.
-

Anyway, I'm bidding that sedentary life farewell. I have got to do a major operation clean up of my room, study Japanese, revise French, expand my non-existent vocabulary and think about what I want to do with my hair. HAHA. I really want to do something to my hair... But getting it dyed means roots in a month?!? Which is hellishly disgusting. And perming it = Frizzy hair. Which is equally disgusting. Ughhhh.

And no, I don't want to do nothing!
-

Alright. Another senseless and mundane entry. I hope Tuesday's training for my new job will be fun.

Bye.

2010-06-11T12:19:00.000+08:00

'Life is a jigsaw puzzle. You don't know whats going to go where, you don't know where the pieces are but you do know that you need to keep looking for the pieces and figure out where they go. All events that happen to you is a piece of your puzzle. if you are stuck in a rut at school or work and keep asking yourself the "what if" question then its a sign telling you that there are no more pieces of the puzzle to be found where you are.'

www.dannychoo.com

GLOOM

2010-06-10T09:07:00.001+08:00

Finally plucked up the courage to view last semester's results. HAHA. NO WAY MAN. I'm not the curious sort. But I had to find out if I were gonna register for Year 2 or Year 3 next semester. And yay! I have been promoted to Year 3 (The faster I get out of school the better! You don't know how much I hate the crap out of it.).

My results were dismal, by the way. Got a friggin' B+ for French (Okay, why am I not upset about my Math, which happens to be my major if you didn't know, results?!?). I'm incredibly annoyed with this. And I hate all these stupid Bs popping out all over my bloody transcript. UGH. And because I didn't take my exam for Linear Algebra I, I'm gonna be facing some serious clashing of classes. Oh yay me!
-

Stupid French. Just you wait!!!

blood red lips are staring at you.

2010-06-09T17:04:00.000+08:00

I have got an interview tomorrow but gosh! I'm so dreadfully lazy to go. The job's only for 2 weeks. If I were offered the job and I accepted it, that would be my last job for summer hols. HA! Seriously. I'm just this ginormous tub of lard.
-

Woke up around 10 plus today. Read blogs, marvelled at Yutaki's photo-taking/editing skills and how much he looks like JJ Lin (A more dashing one. What are you waiting for?!? Go check out his blog NOW!), took my lunch, studied a bit of Japanese, slept and slept and slept some more. Oh gosh. This IS life. Rotting away. Hahaha.

I really hope I get the job tomorrow. It will be kinda cool. PLUS training will be provided.
-

Gonna go study Japanese now, whilst watching '100% Entertainment' so that I can be an even more 'Ah Lian' on Friday (Meeting Wei Ching!!!). HAHAHA.

Love you, Charmian Poon, and the MEANINGFUL conversation that we had. *HUGS* (:

2010-06-07T12:27:00.000+08:00

I'm actually feeling quite sick of makeup. Looking at my desk (chock-full of makeup) makes me nauseated. And I just enquired about 2 sample-sized lip products.
-

Staring at 2.5 months of hols ahead is giving me an 'empty' feeling. Or maybe it's because of the drama. Hmmm... Now's the time to start cracking the books, like I planned 12834252403590450405043054-35 years ago! Haha.

Expect entries in French and Japanese!

Till then,
tullah and toodles!

ennui?

2010-06-04T19:45:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... I'm thinking of getting a camera but I don't really know how to cam-whore because every angle of me looks bad. Oh well.
-

Work ends on Sunday. WOHOO!!! I'm really stoked! I have a love-hate relationship with my job but it's taking up more time than it should so goodbye! Haha. But now, I'm wondering what I'm gonna do with the next 2.5 months. Hmmm...
-

Anyway, I guess something kinda cool happened yesterday. Hmmm... Well, it's cool only because it's not something that is a norm for me. But SIGH. I'm completely uninterested. And it only happened because I was wearing thick makeup! *rolls eyes*
-

I'm completely in the Taiwanese mood now because of 'Down With Love' and this entry's way frivolous because I'm blogging out of boredom (Oh gosh! Bored already?!? *astonished look*). I'm waiting for 8 o'clock to hit so that I can go get my running done.

Doo doo doo.

a fat question mark?!?

2010-05-31T09:18:00.003+08:00

samengtweets @charlenejudith And oh yes, what ARE you working as? You seem quite miserable at work! (I'm a loyal blog reader too :)

You know something? I'm really stumped as to why I am miserable at work. I know I AM but I couldn't reply Sam at all. I think it's because of 'Down with Love'. Or because today's my off day? Maybe it's because I have Aerobics tonight?

I don't know if I should laugh at my silliness or be worried about my emotional being.
-

Oh well. Back to 'Down With Love'. HAHA.

all it takes is a little oomph and ah.

2010-05-29T00:24:00.001+08:00

Seriously, I have no idea why Didi would think that I would say 'No.' to him. WHO THE HELL WOULD?!?

But I am so crazy tired now. I'm hoping that I will have strength to go to the flea market tomorrow, but I doubt so.

And I am kind of breaking out from foundations and late nights. Ugh.

I know I have been complaining a hell lot about work. But it was something that I prayed for and God gave it to me. For that, I am very, very, very grateful.

Thanks Dad in Heaven! (:

(Dad on Earth is in Paris now.)

it's all about Charlene.

2010-05-27T09:41:00.000+08:00

It was only yesterday that I realized I am socially awkward. Oh wow. 9 years (I probably didn't comprehend the meaning of the term when I was below 13. Or even knew that it existed.) in oblivion. ATTA GIRL!

It hit me when some people were laughing so hard (at some incident that happened) and I was just staring blankly. And then, wohoo! Revelation. I realized that that actually happens ALL THE TIME. At night, Eli showed me a Youtube video which she laughed so hard at. Initially, I was picturing someone else saying whatever that was said in the video because I was thinking of him. So I smiled, chuckled a little. But after a while, I was like "What the hell.".
-

I spent the time before I went off to lala land wondering about the stuff that I laughed at. I laugh/ feel like laughing

at my own jokes (Which no one else laughs at.).
in the examination hall when it's sooo crazy quiet.
when I watch Big Bang Theory.
when someone else is supremely close to me.
when I do my brother's face and I'm breathing into his face and he into mine (We both have toothpaste breath. Thank goodness.)
when I am in the lift with several people and it's sooo crazy quiet.

I don't laugh much.
-

Okay. What a self-indulging entry. Bye.

sensibility sucks.

2010-05-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

After work, I just want a nice warm bath and ice cream. Anything that irks me get hell. I'm sorry. Oh gawd. I don't even feel like apologizing when I am in the wrong because I'm just so tuckered out. So, Cheryl, if you happen to read this, and I hope you do because it will be really weird for me to apologize on Saturday (my off day) for this incident, I am sorry. I used to run everyday (SIGH.) and after that, I liked to sit around in my perspiration and use my computer. But Dad always made me bathe before you got back so that you could bathe right after. I thought you could do the same, especially when you have the entire day. Guess not. I will call home to let you and everyone else know that I'm going home the next time.

Dad chiding me for demanding usage of the toilet the moment I got home also pissed me off to no end.
-

Oh gawd. I really need the bed but I want the computer. UGH.

2010-05-24T15:32:00.000+08:00

I AM GOING TO SAVE LIKE A COW.

I will not step into:

Watsons
Accessorize
F21
Topshop
Zara
River Island
Miss Selfridge
Dorothy Perkins
Adidas

Okay.YAY to a fat bank account.

this isn't how i wanted to spend summer.

2010-05-24T14:21:00.001+08:00

OH GAWD. 14 hours of my off day are gone. *cries* Work has never been THIS hard. Every day I come home and just plop myself onto some surface and sit and sit and sit till the cows come home. I don't want to be one of those annoying, pampered kids (I'm not 21 yet.) who complained endlessly about how work sucks but it really does!!! *screams* Starbucks, even at its worst, was NEVER like THIS.*cries again*
-

Still, I WILL last because I am a tough chick. AHAHAHA. Heck no man. It's because I need the DAMN MOOLAH. *cries again again* I spent way too much. Dad actually gave me some extra spending money and I spent all of that too! It is possible that I spent close to a thousand since summer started. Oh gawd. I don't even want to think about it! I don't know what WAS (Yes, past tense. PAST.) wrong with me but I just bought any thing that caught my eye. Which was pretty much EVERYTHING. So much for the makeup ban. I just replaced makeup with a gazillion earrings and clothes. And I broke my ban during the Watsons' sale because, well, because it's a S-A-L-E! Oh wow, Charlene! WAY TO GO IN FINDING EXCUSES AND JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS!!! WHEE!!! LET'S THROW A PARTY!!! ONE THAT'S BIGGER THAN A 21ST B'DAY PARTY!!! YEAHHH!
-

Time to psycho myself...

Working is good. Money grows. Money doesn't go out except during lunch time. Working leaves you no time and energy to shop. Working is VERY good. Working does WONDERS to your butt. Standing gives you perky butt. 9 hours of standing - THINK: Perky, hot butt.
-

*cries*

There's Aerobics tonight. I'm looking forward to it but I have no idea how I'm gonna survive for the next 4 days.

a thousand feet under.

2010-05-23T01:27:00.001+08:00

One of my colleagues speak like Isa. Sigh.
-

I think fatigue is messing up my brain. Seriously. I mind my own business 80% of the time because I'm afraid I ask too many questions (There is SO MUCH that I don't know!) because someone made noise about that at my old workplace (Well, what was I supposed to do? If I hazard a guess and the guess were wrong, I get a scolding dude!).

When you try to make small talk with Asians, all their defenses go up. Lavender/ lilac colour hides dark pigmentation and eye bags. Cream eyeliners are more matte than gel ones. Gel ones are glossier. There actually exist some substance to peel the dead skin on the surface of the lips so that you get smooth-as-baby's-butt lips and another substance to seal the lipstick.
-

Okay. Nights.

woes of the diligent.

2010-05-22T09:39:00.000+08:00

I am so friggin' knackered. I have to leave by 11 but here I am, sitting in my chair, checking out sites that I missed yesterday (and possibly today). Ugh. My legs are aching like mad. 9 hours of standing is no joke, no joke at all. And I miss Starbucks N1. Kiat's the best boss anyone can possibly get. Seriously. ):
-

Go work at Liat Towers everyone!

2010-05-18T23:09:00.000+08:00

Oh gawd. I really, really, really hate boyfriends.

just a thought.

2010-05-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

(Spoiler alert for those who haven't caught 'The Vampire Diaries' season finale!)

I caught the season finale of 'The Vampire Diaries' last Thursday. When Katherine chopped off Jonathan's fingers, I was shocked. Not shocked at the brutality of it, but shocked that I wasn't the least bit shocked by that particular scene at all. The same thing happened with 'Daybreakers'. Every gory scene, I swallowed with ease. 'True Blood' too, and this had nudity galore. Easy peasy for me to watch without squirming in my seat.

But this shouldn't be the case, should it?
-

I'm scared... No, terrified of the person that I'm becoming but I'm far too hooked on the shows to give them up.

six feet under. NOT.

2010-05-16T14:00:00.000+08:00

Frankly, the thought of hanging out with you is SUFFOCATING. You're crazy demanding for a FRIEND.
-

Gawd.

Happy days ahead! beams

2010-05-15T20:27:00.001+08:00

I thought about it for a while on the train. If I weren't completely, wholly, entirely in love with that person, I would never ever be with him. It can't be just a case of only liking that person. I won't be satisfied with it. It has to be love (However lame and corny this sounds.).

And I do believe there is someone out there for everyone that makes a perfect fit for the latter's puzzle. There has to be. Otherwise, God won't be real.
-

Been watching '90210'. Watched every single episode of Season 1. Come Season 2, it was just fast-forward mode man. Gawd. The drama. It never ends. I don't like Annie but man, no one cuts the girl ANY slack. One thing after another just crashes down own her. I hope the season finale will be good (Unlike 'The Vampire Diaries'. *rolls eyes* Ugh. How can they like Anna die?!? But the Katherine bit was way cool man. Nina Dobrev ain't just another pretty person. But of course, we aren't talking about Taiwanese shows here.), like Liam ending up with her. She's probably gonna get shit from Naomi but Liam seems good. Well, better than the rest anyway (Ethan. Seriously?!? *rolls eyes doubly hard* The whole Rhonda thing. What the heck?!?).

And oh! I must say that Erin Silver/ Jessica Stroup is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gorgeous!!! Like seriously!!! She's the prettiest girl. Ever. You can't get any prettier than that!!! And Liam/ Matt Lanter is sooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!! *gushes*

You know what? I think I'll go back and watch those episodes which I skipped of Season 2. Just because of Liam. Ha! But okay, honestly, the show makes me nauseated.
-

Anyway, DORCAS K. is back!!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy and relieved!!! It was utterly crazy hearing about the situation in Bangkok and knowing that one of my besties went there for a HOLIDAY. Okay, I don't even know where to begin. Seriously. BUT the main thing is that she is BACK and SAFE.

So next week's gonna be really fun! Mon's with Jules. We're gonna shop and catch 'The Runaways'. And then on Tue, it's Chinatown with Dorcas and Wed's another movie day with Dor! (: Yay!!!

And oh! Lizzie's coming back! Yay!!!
-

I had laughter for dinner yesterday. (:

Okay, time to run!

not really an advocate for L but...

2010-05-13T17:36:00.002+08:00

"Wait for the boy who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend, and who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the boy who makes you smile like no one else, and when he smiles, you know he needs you. Wait for the boy who wants to show you off to the world even when you’re in sweats and have no make-up on, but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him. And most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe,
because that’s where you belong."

http://poeticheartache.tumblr.com

Not a pretty sight, nuh uh.

2010-05-13T17:13:00.000+08:00

I really, VERY BADLY, want to dye my hair black. The roots are showing (in the sunlight) and I hate it (even if it only shows under the sun)!!!

But I don't wish to spend on hair dye. And it's black, to boot. Lamest thing ever.
-

I hope to God that I will never drink till I am completely inebriated (But going by the fact that the only alcohol that I touch is in ice-creams, tiramisus and chocolates, I think I'm pretty safe. Besides, I hate the whole red-eye, red-face, red-EVERYTHING look.)

the sun's coming up on the grey.

2010-05-11T23:02:00.000+08:00

Ho ho ho. I actually like 90210. When it first came out, there was so much hype about it and I was into Gossip Girls. That and I have always liked highschool shows, which Dad thinks is weird for an almost-adult (I'm NOWHERE near 21 (yet). Thank you very much.). But then, I read that the show was junk so I missed it altogether. That and the fact that I don't think the cast is as good looking as that of GG. Okay, so I am superficial.But you have to agree with me that Shenae Grimes looks like a bag of bones. People always say that I'm skinny (Okay. No longer. When I was like younger. Not THAT much younger, take note.) but hoo boy, they haven't laid their eyes on her. Gawd.

Okay whatever. I can say all I want but she's up there and I'm down here. *GLOOM*
-

OH! Tomorrow, I get to attend Majolica Majorca's Chapter 26 Workshop! I'm so psyched!!! Even though I have read through their Chapter 26 brochure only a gazillion times (I like to pick up stuff like that, Benefit especially, and read them over and over and pretend that I own everything.). Haha. And I'm going on a shopping trip tomorrow to get myself some dresses!
-

Got to remember to set aside some moolah for Friday's dinner with the GIP girls. (:

I've got a good week ahead but I still miss Lizzie very much. ):
-

P.S.: Met up with Chua today and we were like trying to dirty each other with eyeshadows at BHG. Hahaha. What a hoot! (Okay, can you say J-U-V-E-N-I-L-E?!? Nuh uh. I say we are super duper young at heart!)

annoying.

2010-05-10T22:45:00.000+08:00

life is C-R-A-P without Lizzie.
-

Lizzie, I hope you read this and feel guilty.
(I know you won't. But pretend, for my sake.)

off, flies the bird from the coop.

2010-05-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

I was watching some Peranakan cooking show when I thought "Hey! I wanna have my wedding in pjs. And everyone will be in theirs too. How cool is that?!?".
-

Weird, I know.

resignation has never been so clearly spelt before.

2010-05-08T10:01:00.000+08:00

I am being extremely particular about my summer job. Nothing, NOTHING has taken to my fancy so far. I have never been so fussy before, have I? The past 1.5 years were spent at Starbucks. Before that I was a promoter (for the whole of two weeks. It was painful, seriously, because I had to face this annoying pest of guy the whole time. Thank goodness for Dorcas!), a tutor, a relief teacher, did admin work (which I absolutely ABHOR) and worked at primary school's bookshop. Ugh gawd. I wish I could go back to Starbucks!

When I left, I told Kiat that that part of my life was over and it was time to move on yada yada yada. People don't really move on, do they?

I don't know what the hell I'm rambling about.
-

First week of hols is down (Yes, I'm actually counting down. And no, it's not with anticipation for the start of school. It's with dread. A lot of it.). Am I really gonna spend it like this?!?

I think I am.
-

Gee, I just realised that I spent every single (long) school vacation working since I was 13. HOO BOY! All of a sudden, I feel so... Diligent. *raises eyebrows*

Ryan Phillippe.

2010-05-06T09:34:00.000+08:00

"Tattoos are like a map to your life. Permanence is bravery. So many things in our lives aren’t permanent. Nothing lasts forever."

i feel eviscerated.

2010-05-05T23:02:00.000+08:00

I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I wish I could have a long chat with Lizzie about it. But then, I wouldn't know what to say at all. I freaked out, okay? I seem to be doing a lot of that nowadays. Or maybe I just want some 'me' time. But haven't I got enough of that?!?

I would like to spend my summer hols at Starbucks with a good read. Yeah, that's it. I would like that very much. Just me and my book. With the baristas drink-calling, the whirring of the Verismo or Mastrena, the smell of freshly brewed coffee, strangers pounding busily away at their keyboards, incessant chattering...
-

Every night, this guy comes to the front of my window and smokes. I cannot wait for the day when I can bid him goodbye.

'sorry' doesn't mean anything. at all.

2010-05-04T22:42:00.000+08:00

Spent my evening with 'The Vampire Diaries' again. Give me a few more weeks, no days and I will be able to recite lines to you, especially those that were exchanged between Anna and Jeremy.
-

Signed up for my Aerobics class today. My excitement for it has been dulled by a bout of laziness that has set in as a result of the hols? And no job? Anyway, I actually walked all the way to Tampines and back. Just to stretch my legs a little, even though I had plans to run at night (And yes, I did run.). I'm starting to think that besides being weird, I am masochistic too. Mmmhmmm.
-

I backed out of Wednesday's date. I know there's nothing going on because I don't feel anything but it just feels... Weird (Okay, so I do feel something. Lol.). Maybe because I haven't known him long enough? I mean, I am perfectly fine with going out with Lennard, Henry, Derrick, Louis, Cheng Yew... Or maybe because he's like okay with anything and everything and I just don't know how to communicate with people like that without feeling a tad frustrated (I like people with opinions.). Or maybe there's something just really off with me after that episode?

Poo! I really don't want to be thinking about stuff like this. A, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry okay? For backing out twice. I only asked you a second time because I backed out on the first and I felt bad. So now, I feel doubly bad but I just don't do stuff that I think I'm gonna be awkward about.

Sigh. I'm really not good with stuff like this.
-

Sad story aside, I won a Benefit hamper! WOOT! This is the first time that I have EVER won anything so I'm sooo excited. And it's BENEFIT to boot! How cool is that?!?

EEK! *excites*

Tomorrow's Agenda

2010-05-04T01:17:00.001+08:00

~~Contemplate about having a nose piercing.~~ No go.
~~Sign up for Aerobics class.~~
~~Try the falsies.~~
~~Watch Glee.~~
~~Think about my outfit for Thursday.~~
Review my French.
Review/ relearn Japanese.
Come up with a list of historical events to read up about.
Make cards.

strange, peculiar, odd, queer, quaint, outlandish, singular, eccentric, curious?

2010-05-03T19:44:00.004+08:00

In a span of 5 days, I have 4 people telling me that I am weird or different. Whichever. Am I really?!?

(I'm currently waiting for time to hit 8pm so that I can do my last make-up running session. It was either blogging or 'The Vampire Diaries'. Since I don't want to be obsessed about the latter, even though technically I already am, blogging it shall be. And hence, this completely random, out-of-the-blue analytical blog entry of my(weird)self. I'm taking this with a pinch of salt, so really go ahead and call me weird. I bask in that compliment.)

Let me see how I can be weird.

I dream of having a vampire as a boyfriend.
I am a very extreme person; If I like somebody/ something, it means I really like that person/ thing. And if I hate somebody/ something, well, I really hate that person/ thing. A LOT.
I'd rather be alone than be kept waiting.
I don't do group outings if I can help it.
I HATE games. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE ^(infinity) it.
I have to learn or experience something at every stage of my life.
I like balance, symmetry. Like I wanna do some Arts thing after my Math degree.
I morph into an Ah Lian when I'm really excited/ nervous/ angry. Think: All the Singlish starts coming out.
Some days, I'm confident as hell. And other days, I just wanna crawl under the blanket and disappear.
I get really, extremely, crazily happy after watching American/ Japanese dramas, especially rom coms.
I think that I am meant to be an actress. Just so that I can be a gazillion different people. Just so that I can have a taste of all sorts of professions, all sorts of lives.
I don't get angry often. But when I do, hoo boy! STAY AWAY.
I cry after every exam. Whether it went well or bad.
When I don't worry about something which I think I ought to be worrying about, I get worried.
I hate computer games because I feel so claustrophobic. But I believe that I am fabulous at them.
I think make-up is more interesting than anything else in the world.
I LOVE BOOTS. And even though Singapore is a living furnace, I do not give a damn. I wear my boots and I wear them well and proud.
I do NOT like soft toys. You can't wear them, eat them... You can't do ANYTHING with them. (My bolster takes care of the hugging bit.)
I love highschool shows. I love the yellow bus. I love the classrooms. I love the chalkboard.
I love doing art and craft.
I am more in love with the idea of loving somebody than actually loving that somebody.
I have crazy dreams, like marrying a vampire.
If there's a dark colour, I think there should be a light colour. Check out my clothes the next time.
I can't ride a bicycle.

HAHA. Okay, the last one isn't weird. But so are the rest. I think it's my face or something. Gran's friends are always saying that I look like the gentle sort of girl or something along those lines. But the truth is I ain't. I talk really loudly (Hey! Don't blame me. Blame Mum's side. Everyone's ALWAYS shouting.), I was known to be rough when I played soccer, I have 4 piercings (Okay, it's the norm. But people say that I don't look like the sort who will have more than 2.), I do swear (when I'm really furious. I used to swear all the time, during junior college days.)... And I am a girl who looks mixed or Korean, with Scottish eyes and who doesn't have a Singapore accent. Or so I have been told. *rolls eyes*

As much as I wish I was mixed (1/16 Thai really counts for NOTHING. Sigh. Oh well. Better than nothing.) and speak with a twang (Like dear Lizzie. Sheesh. I can't pronounce the 'th' sound to save my friggin' stupid life.), fact is that I am born and bred in Singapore. A 100% Singaporean product. Not that I'm complaining, really. I mean, Singapore is a nice place. Even if we are perpetually babysat. But hey, we have security...

And as usual, I have digressed and have absolutely no idea what I am talking about. Gonna catch just ONE episode of 'The Vampire Diaries' before I hit the tracks.
-

I have decided. No job this summer. Just some good ol' plain slacking. *grins*

what's summer without friends?

2010-05-02T14:59:00.001+08:00

Some people do spend an awful lot of time thinking about love. No, I haven't got a problem with that. And their business is theirs and mine is mine yada yada yada. It's just that I'm thinking if I should be giving some thought to it as well. I mean, other than all my celeb boyfriends (Ahem.), the L word doesn't seem to have a place in my head at all. My girlfriends think about it and I? I just don't . Unless, of course, you count my celeb boyfriends. Haha.

Oh well. I guess I will worry about it when the time comes. Whenever that will be.
-

I know that I have been blogging excessively. I'm gonna be doing so much of this because I haven't got a job yet. And as mentioned before, I don't really want one. So since I'm not actively looking for a job, I'm not unemployed. HAHA. TAKE THAT, ECONOMICS. I STILL REMEMBER YOU! Haha.

Hmmm, library anyone? Library, Starbucks? Nahhh... I don't really want to spend my money on overpriced beverages, no matter how much I love Starbucks. I need to find a good cheap (preferably, free!) place where I can park my little perky butt (Okay, so I am deluded. Sue me.) and read read read till my eyes fall out.

I really need to do that. To save my pathetic command of English.
-

I'm excited about my new house. It's only gonna be ready at the end of the year. But I can't wait. It's my 6th one and it's the first one that's gonna be a proper house. With a rooftop, wet kitchen, my OWN bedroom and all that. Cool beans! I'm gonna have a little vanity corner too! Ah gosh! I have been dreaming about that since I got into make-up.
-

Met Liz for lunch today at Eastpoint (Sniff! I will miss you and fish soup!) and then, headed to Tampines. I haven't been there for ages. If you don't count my Friday's ~~run~~ ~~jog~~ crawl. Got myself Bioré's sunscreen and 2 pieces of clothings from Topshop. I was supposed to get my lenses and some other girlie necessities. Oh well. Monday then.
-

Blah blah blah. Can't wait to hang out with my friends. May Tuesday 3.30pm quickly come so that I can have Dor, though not all of her since Nigel has laid claim to 7/8 of her. Friday too, so that the title of ownership of Chua is transferred back to me. And seriously, Liz, I wish you were jobless.

Sigh.

the boy.

2010-05-02T08:44:00.000+08:00

Steven R. McQueen

<333

jobs jobs jobs.

2010-05-01T17:27:00.001+08:00

I'm supposed to be searching for a job. But ughhh. I'm not really up for it, though I know it's sensible to have one. I mean, what am I gonna do for the next 4 months? Rot? Actually, that sounds like a lovely idea.
-

I was thinking that perhaps I should hole myself up in the library because I haven't read a book since... FOREVER. And that sucks. I'm thinking 'History'. It's on the Arts side, but not so completely either because it deals with facts. You know, black, white stuff. Not grey. Nuh uh. Can't deal with those.

But face it, how long can that last?!?
-

Books, running, movies, languages, American dramas...

Mmmhmmm.

because your life's your life and my life is mine.

2010-04-30T10:05:00.002+08:00

Mmmhmm... It feels good to wake up without any worries...
-

Yesterday marked the official end of school and the herald of 4 months of liberty from incomprehensible books. I was careful to ensure that history wouldn't repeat this semester, or rather the last semester. History was kind but I ran up against an entirely new wall. I studied to get past assignments and tests, without understanding anything and towards the end, the burden of the world felt like it was on me. I know, obviously it wasn't. It just felt so.

I give a lot of weight to school because that's the only thing I have in life. That's the only thing everyone has in life. I don't give two hoots if you beg to differ. Health, happiness, interests whatnots. Those are 'side courses'. They can never be the main thing, nuh uh. I don't care if I fall into the rhythm of the world because fact is, if you don't have that bloody piece of paper, you have nothing.

I used to harbour wild dreams, ambitions. When I was 12, my friend said that my flaw was that I was ambitious. I still was when I was in secondary school but I lost it in junior college. Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I went off to one of those elite schools. I wish I did, instead of wanting to learn some other stuff ('Stuff' to remain a undefined to you.). I learnt and I got caught up in it. Got tossed and turned in the vortex of infatuation, depression, rebellion... All that's over now, thank God. But I realize that I have not let one bit of whatever that happened go.
-

Lol. I have lost my train of thoughts. Digressed way to far from the initial thing that I wanted to talk about so I shan't carry on. Some things have been on my mind, tucked away in dark recesses.

This vacation, it's time to haul them all up and face the them dragons once and for all.
-

I did something weird yesterday. I went to the Anna Sui counter to purchase an eyelash curler and ended up chatting with the salesgirl. And she CRIED. No, no. Not because of me! She had a lousy morning apparently. Guess what I did? I bought a cookie for her.

I don't know why the hell I did that!!! What went through my head was "Oh gawd! She's crying and it's only the start of the day. I know how that feels. What should I do to cheer her up?!?". BUT GAWD. You do that for friends! Not complete strangers!!! Sheesh. I realized that after purchasing the cookie. But I didn't want to have a cookie at that time (I want one now, though. *goes to the kitchen to scour for them*). I could have brought it home to that cookie monster sister of mine (underlined to place the utmost emphasis on it for the benefit of someone dear. *MUACKS* I love you!!!) but I had to go to school before that and anything that goes into my bag comes out in pieces. So I gave it to her.

Liz said I'm weird. She said that I'm WEIRDER than her. HOW IN THE WORLD IS THAT POSSIBLE?!? (I keep telling her I was normal until I met her. Haha.). Anyway, I just felt the need to do something! Sigh okay. But I do admit I am weird. So the aforementioned behavior is normal then, for me anyway.
-

Oh gawd. Sheesh. I seriously am weird.

And I'm not going out with anyone until I have made up for all my lost running sessions. *feels a surge of determinance...*

OKAY. What the hell is 'determinace'?!? I meant 'determination'!!! GAWDDD!!! My English!!!
(Anyway, 'determinance' is from the word 'determinant'. Some Linear Algebra shit jargon. Matrices, if you are acquainted with them. And no, the word doesn't exist. I just made a noun out of the noun 'determinant'. OKAY, time out for me! I'm talking flat out rubbish.)

2010-04-29T00:26:00.003+08:00

because of my decision, now i feel empty.

friends and chinese.

2010-04-28T22:59:00.000+08:00

Why is his blog in Chinese?!? *cries*
-

Thanks Peow Ee, Haziq and Xiao Lu for tonight. Really.

la route facile.

2010-04-28T21:28:00.002+08:00

j'ai honte de moi.
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my stomach hurts like crap.

2010-04-25T17:23:00.001+08:00

I'm starting to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me. This weekend has been a big uphill task trying to get some proper studying done. I was very disappointed with my Accounting paper because I studied very hard for it. Yet, after the paper, it felt like all my efforts were thrown carelessly into the drain. And to compound the entire situation, I spent the entire of Friday studying my pants off for Calculus, only to find that the past year papers were written in a completely foreign language.

Now, I'm wondering if I actually studied at all or all I did was to go through the motion. Even French looks bad right now.
-

The only highlight of this hellish weekend was seeing Haziq and Shirin.

I miss Starbucks-N1 days when Kiat was around. Every day was a happy one. School just stinks more and more.
-

Fucking hell.
I really don't want to disappoint my parents.

And it stinks to live on the first floor and have your study table facing the window. Because those who walk pass can see me crying like a crazy nut right now.

eat shoots.

2010-04-23T11:47:00.000+08:00

my crazy sister decided to turn vegetarian.
-

it won't last because

she was born a carnivore.
and no way is the rest of the family gonna turn veggie-crazy with her.
(gran's NOT gonna cook twice just for her sake.)
-

the one thing that i'm mad about is that i won't ever be able to redeem myself.

alice.

2010-04-22T22:06:00.002+08:00

Thank you, Louis.

You prevented an outburst on the train.

Still, i teared all the way home.

And I'm not gonna be polite anymore. If anyone starts telling me his/ her answers, I will just go "SHUT THE HELL UP.". Otherwise, I'm just gonna get 'curioser and curioser'.

And that happened just now.

Perfect.

):

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

2010-04-21T16:52:00.000+08:00

5 more minutes till my break ends.

Another day to the demise of accounting. EEKS!!! I'm sooo excited!!! But after 7.30pm tomorrow, I'm officially screwed beyond redemption because my Math modules have all bitten the dust. I was planning to do an irrational spree after my accounting paper (because I deserve it, ahem.) but uh-uh, that's so not gonna happen.
-

One thing I realized is that I can't spell English words anymore. I mix them up with French. 'Affairs' become 'affaires', which do not mean the same thing by the way. 'Maintenance' was written as 'maintenant' and again, different meanings.

Thank goodness that the language of my major is numbers.
-

CRAP. Time's up. All the best to whoever who has paper tomorrow!

2010-04-19T03:45:00.000+08:00

This is how things are with me right now.

I study for a good hour or so and rest for 2 hours.
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Way to go, Charlene.

2010-04-18T02:35:00.002+08:00

Every day is a studying fiasco.
God bless my grades this semester.
-

):

X(

2010-04-15T23:28:00.000+08:00

i'm digging my academic grave.
-

okay, no more 'Liar's Game' or fooling around, for the matter, till 29th april.

the raindrops are getting black and fat.

2010-04-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

j'ai perdu mon cahier français. *cries*
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Things that went wrong today
Lost my French notebook.
Missed my bus stop.
Bought an ugly muffin.
Scrapped my nose.
Dirtied my fingers while eating ice-cream.
Spent $5.20 on my ice-cream.
Was super unglam in front of M.
French Oral was postponed.
Was assigned the 2nd last group for French.
Just passed my STUPID French listening comprehension which brought EVERYTHING ELSE down (I did well for my other sections, but because of the STUPID listening... UGH. I want so badly to do well in French. *cries again*).
Finally had the epiphany that my ears are faulty and that's why I suck at all listening crap.
-

Dear Holidays,

Please come quick. I need Japanese to make me smile. ):

Love,
Charlene
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(Just so that I don't come across as an emo shit person, I am SOOO thrilled that Lizzie loves ごくせん!!! Yay!!! Everyone should watch it!!! But take note, Matsumoto Jun is MINE! Hands off!!! Haha.)
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//EDIT (00:57): I lost my script for my Communications presentation on Friday. Shoot me already.

la horreur.

2010-04-12T20:27:00.000+08:00

Here's another entry in English because the speech which I crafted for my HW111A presentation had egregious grammatical mistakes. I messed up my TENSES. Good gawd. Tenses are like the BASICS. *drops dead* I speak Chinese in school most of the time (And 99% of the time, my message is received as intended. Thank you very much.). I don't listen to the news on my iPod anymore because I'm either (re)watching Japanese shows or listening to Japanese songs (and daydreaming about Matsumoto Jun). I don't read anymore. Well, I do. Stuff like double integrals, spanning trees, rewarding (shit) system, manufacturing overhead, real vector spaces yada yada yada.

And oh yes, a little update on my academic life. Literally in pieces. I'm just looking forward to days of stuffing myself silly with the Japanese language so that I can be one step closer to Matsumoto Jun (The one step is a big step. And patience is a virtue. Amen.).
-

School's a shit hole. I hate it.

c'est la vie.

2010-04-11T15:28:00.000+08:00

Buried.

Suffocation.

Anticipation.

la glace.

2010-04-10T01:31:00.000+08:00

la nuit finissait gentiment pour moi.

cloud 9

2010-04-09T23:03:00.001+08:00

In spite of the fact that exams are drawing nearer with each tick of the clock, my happiness bubble has been growing (though I think it's about to be popped soon ): ). On Thursday, I had to write a short essay for my French test and I must say that I did a pretty decent length. XD I crossing my fingers over and over because I really, desperately want to do well for that section (Yes, just that section only. I can't speak and listen. EPIC FAILURE at the Mother language of love. SIGH.) . But it's better not to have any hopes at all, lest you fall. :\ Anyway, that's not the main point. The main point is that I FINALLY spoke with the coolest guy (and his friend as well, who's cool too!) in my French class!!! They speak rapid French and M's like really the arty sort. He reminds me of JH a whole lot. But I think M's cooler. HAHAHA. Oops! Haha. That's only 'cause you let your French book bite the dust, JH! I still love you! And will always do (even if you're not so cool anymore...)! Haha. (:
-

Met up with Lizzie today to study at Starbucks A2. (: Dad said both of us dressed like dolls! Haha. I LOVE IT! And I love the fact that Lizzie darling agreed to study Japanese (otherwise she owes me US$100.). WOHOO!!! And she's gonna watch a Japanese drama tonight (RIGHT?!?). YAY!!! Very soon, all my good buds (Except for my bestie Chua, because she's stubborn and careless. Haha. She called me at midnight and was in a complete frenzy, just because she left her laptop charger in school. Seriously... Haha. But that's Chua for you!) will learn Japanese and we will all converse in that language and go Japan and live there and eat Japanese cuisine everyday, and fall in love there (Matsumoto Jun is mine!!!) yada yada yada. Haha. See? Anything and everything Japanese makes me happy! Woot!!!
-

Okay, my English sucks BIG TIME and I hate it. So I'm stopping here.

Got to deal with the stupid presentation for communications class. UGH.
-

And oh yeah! Lizzie's weird. RIGHT??? Right. Haha. LOVE YOU BABE!

2010-04-07T23:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Charlene,

Please concentrate on your work. You only have to suffer for 2 more weeks. Please. It's for your own sake. Your future, think!

So please focus.

Love,
Charlene

2010-04-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

when push comes to shore, you taste what you are made of. you might bend till you break cause its all you can take. on your knees, you look up, decide you had enough, you get mad, you get strong. wipe your hands, shake it off then you stand.

stand tall.

i miss you too, Charmian.

SCREAMS

2010-04-05T22:37:00.001+08:00

i think i am crazy to have not su-ed accounting. i am a crazy masochist, seeking an early death through academic means. what a novel idea. *applauds* DON'T COPY!!!
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i will KILL myself if i let accounting ruin my GPA.

2010-03-31T21:31:00.000+08:00

Quelquefois, j'ai besoin du temps solitaire.
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À cinq heres, je suis allée à l'aéroport faire mes études. J'ai étudié le calcul intégral mais très difficile. Je voudrais pleurer. Mes examens sont en Avril et demain, c'est début de l'avril!!! J'ai seulement vingt-deux jours. STUPID SHIT!
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D'accord, maintenant, j'ai besoin de étudier. J'espére je n'ai pas sommeil.